"Stay alive to keep her alive"

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Summary : Demir made one wish. Only one. That Selin would never leave him. But she might already be gone. (Apparently, I am an angst whore...oh well, you all know this already). 

She made him a promise. She promised him she would never leave. She promised him she would always be by his side. She promised him to stay even if one day she was angry at him. And she did it. She stayed. When she learnt about Eylul, she stayed. When she learnt about his childhood house, she stayed. She stayed when he was still stuck in the past. She stayed when he was having nightmares. She stayed because she made him a promise. But now, she might already be gone.

Demir was on the road to the hospital. He was driving so fast, unable to breath, unable to wipe the tears from his eyes, unable to think. A few minutes ago, he received a phone call. That kind of phone call you never want to answer to. Selin, his Selin, was in the hospital. That morning, she woke up early and left a note for him. "Going to prepare the best breakfast ever, need some supplies, be right back. Love you". He didn't even see her that morning. And now he was not even sure she was still alive. On the phone, they told her she was in an accident, some car crashed on her bike. They didn't tell him more about her condition but they said it was bad and that he should come immediately. 

+++++++++++++++++

"Where is she?" "I am here for my girlfriend, Selin Sever!", he screamed when he finally arrived to the hospital. When no one answered, he screamed once again, "Where is she, I need to see her!". A nurse came to him, trying to calm the shaking man she had in front of her. 

"Sir, please calm down", she said, grabbing his shoulders to make him sit on a chair. "I'll go ask for your girlfriend but you have to calm down. I'll be back ok? What's her name again?", she asked. 

"Se... Sel... Selin. She is Selin Sever...". Demir couldn't even talk anymore. He shared a gaze with the nurse, who tried once again to reassure him with her calming and soft voice. But no one could reassure Demir. Not when the woman of his life was there. All he could think was her. What would he do if she was not part of his life anymore? What would he do without her? How would he survive? She was the one making him feel alive, the one making him smile, the one making his heart beat. She saved him from his demons and from his past, with her beautiful, innocent and pure smile, with her love for people and animals, with her cute voice when she was annoyed, with her flirting eyes when she was playful. She was his everything. 

When the nurse came back, a few minutes later, he wiped the tears in his eyes with his arm. He was feeling like this lost little boy, he was so scared. So, so scared. 

"Sir, your girlfriend was in a bad accident. She has a lot of broken ribs, some concussions, but what we are the most concerned about is her head. She was wearing a helmet, the doctor said it saved her life..." 

Demir didn't let her finish. "What... I... How is she now? Is she ok?" 

"Like I said, her head is our main concern. Her injuries are bad. I'll let the doctor explain it to you later, but she is in a coma. We don't know when, and how she'll wake up... if she wakes up..."

How, When, if. How and when she wakes up. How, when, and if she wakes up. His heart broke even more when the nurse opened Selin's room door. His beautiful, perfect, always smiling Selin was there, in the dark, her fragile body full of bruises, eyes closed, with a large bandage around her head. Not only Demir's heart was breaking into million pieces, but it felt like someone was stabbing him. He couldn't breath, he couldn't take his eyes off Selin. He was scared to approach her, but also scared to stay too far from her. 

Taking his arm, the nurse said : "Sir, with injuries like this one, we always suggest to the family to talk to the patient, over, and over again. We don't know everything about brains yet but we know they can do miracles". 

Demir was not sure what to do, like paralyzed by the vision of Selin, unconscious in her bed. After a few minutes, alone with her in the room, he approached her and sat on the chair next to her. 

"You promised me", he sobbed, taking her beautiful hand in his. "You promised me", he said once again. With his fingers, he started caressing her face, each one of her bruise, making him cry a little more everytime. 

After a few minutes where he fixed her in silence, he started: "The nurse told me to talk to you, but what can I say. You are the one being talkative usually. I usually listen to you, to your beautiful voice, telling me about your day, about your friends. You are so passionate when you talk, oh my god Selin. How am I supposed to do this? You are my guide here. How am I supposed to talk to you, what am I supposed to tell you? I can't do this without you Selin". His voice broke at his last words. Without her. "You are always so strong. I need you to be strong once again Selin. You need to show me how strong you are, please. You are so much stronger than I am". He then kissed her hands like if his life depended on it. "You promised me... don't break that promise please. Don't". 

Demir stayed all day and all night by her side, his head buried in her arm, her hands wet from all his tears. 

"Demir?", the voice was coming from behind. Vedat. Demir had called him earlier. He needed his best friend by his side. When he turned back, he shared a sad look with him. He stood up, and without any word, he fell in his arms, hugging his friend in despair. Vedat couldn't do anything else to help him than be there for him. For his already broken friend who only got his life back thanks to the lady unconscious in front of them. "She'll be fine", he whispered, not even knowing if it was true. "Demir, she'll be fine", he said one more time, still hugging him. 

"I won't survive without her", Demir said. 

"I know brother, I know... But right now, it's not about you Demir", Vedat answered, helping a weak Demir to sit back on his chair. "It's not about you. This time, she needs you. You keep repeating how she saved you right? Now it's your time to save her. And I need you to be alive to keep her alive. You can cry, you are allowed to cry, but between your tears, you have to be the strong one. She is not dead Demir. She is alive. And it's up to you to help her wake up".

Vedat stayed a few hours. A few hours where he watched his friend being sad, angry, mad, anxious. Frankly, he was not sure Demir would be able to face it. You know what they always say, that it's more difficult for those who stay. If Selin died, Vedat was not sure how Demir would stay. 

+++++++++++++

Hours had past, hours during which all her friends came to see her. Merve, Ayda, Ibo, Azmiye, even Burak... Usually Demir wouldn't have allowed him in her room, but like Vedat said, it was not about him. Never did Demir left her side, though. Never did he let her hand go. That beautiful, elegant hand, with those beautiful fingers on which he was dreaming of putting a ring one day. Demir never left her side, and never stopped talking to her, to be sure she was hearing his voice in her dreams. Maybe she was dreaming of their animals, Sakiz, Cici, all of them..

Everytime he wanted to let it go, he remembered Vedat words, "be strong for her, it's not about you, stay alive to keep her alive". And he did it, for hours and hours, telling her about their future, their travels, about their house, about the kids they'll have one day. "Imagine our little girl playing with Sakiz. She'll have beautiful dark hair just like her mom. And the smile of an angel. I hope she won't have your bad food habits. And our son, I can see him running everywhere, breaking windows with his ball. He can never know that we both broke that same glass one day. When you wake up, we'll paint that room just like you wanted when we first met. I love you so much, we are going to keep being so happy". He was strong, yes, but he was crying. Oh crying so much, imagining their perfect life while his guardian angel was lifeless on this hospital room. 

"Demir...", he heard. That weak voice, almost inaudible voice was hers. Was he dreaming? Did he fall asleep? Was she really awake? It took him a few seconds to see her open eyes. She was smiling at him, weak, so tired, but so alive. Demir couldn't say anything. He burst into tears. Not from sadness this time but from relief. He couldn't contain his tears, his sobs, his head buried in her neck.

"I promised you...", she said. 

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