"Thomas you're falling for her we can all see it! Do you really think that's wise!" A woman's voice boomed from the office beside me. "You know nothing about her what if she's another spy?!"
"I trust her Pol. Now if that's all you came to discuss I'm going to have to ask you to leave," Tommy's voice was cool and collected as the office door swung open. I tried to busy myself so he wouldn't notice me listening in but from the smirk he gave me I knew he saw through it. "Polly Grey I would like to formally introduce you to Zelda Berke. Charlie adores her and has requested she come to family dinner this evening. I assume because this is my sons request you'll both oblige."
"It's very nice to meet you ms Grey. I've heard many great things," she gave me a curt nod before taking her time in looking me over.
"His brothers will eat you alive you best prepare Shelby men aren't exactly subtle," she rolled her eyes turning to Thomas. "Think with your mind Thomas. For once in your bloody life." I turned to Tommy once the women left my curiosity peaked after the whole encounter with his aunt. He took two steps towards me before cupping my face and searching my eyes for an invitation to close the space between us.
"You shouldn't trust me," I mumble. "You shouldn't trust anyone."
"Yet I do, despite my better judgment. Despite me knowing you for only a few months." Tommy leant his forehead against mine. "My heart is already broken you can not break it more."
"I have a husband Thomas."
"I'll pay for the divorce. I'll give you the family you want." He began to argue. "Zelda whatever you're hiding it can't be all that bad. The people I know are monsters. You aren't a monster."
"You say that with such confidence, but..."
"But nothing Zelda." Tommy mumbled. "You'll Tell me when you're ready. Supper is for 7 I'll pick you up at 6:30. Go home and get ready."
I felt uneasy to say the least as I walked into my flat to get ready for tonight's interrogation. What was it Thomas Shelby hoped we would be? What was it I hoped we would be? Nothing built on lies ends perfectly it just simply ends. It shatters. It stabs the people involved. He says his heart is already broken if that is true by the time I leave here it will be nothing but dust.
"Zelda," my heart stops for a moment as they adjust to the dark figure sitting on my sofa. "Come here love let me see ya," I do as told walking towards Alfie who has now propped himself up on his cane. "Tell me how are things?"
"He trusts me. I'm supposed to have dinner with his family tonight." I explain letting my hands wander through his hair. "I've missed you." I kiss him lightly feeling sick when he doesn't return the gesture. "Alfie?"
"I have to ask a favour of you a favour I don't like," his voice is low and he's avoiding my gaze. "Sleep with him."
"No." I bark. "I'm not becoming some mans whore! I'm not breaking our vows like you have!"
"I broke those vows for you don't be ungrateful!" Alfie raises his voice raising his hand but stopping himself before it hits my cheek. "You made me weak with your love."
"When did that become a bad thing?" A few tears trickle down my cheek. "Stop sleeping with other women. Let me be enough for you. Let me have children."
"We can discuss the possibility of children when you come home. Let's finish this first love," love. Ha. He doesn't love me. If he did, he wouldn't be doing this. "Zelda I love you. You have always been enough." Alfie states and I can't stop myself from fighting back.
"You've never been able to lie to me something in your eyes has always given you away. Since we were young, I've seen right through you Alfie Solomons. It's your fatal flaw and mine is the inability to say no to you. So fine I'll sleep with him but when you can't look me in the eye after because other man touched your wife remember you did this! You put me in his bed." The only emotion in our kiss is anger. It tastes bitter and hateful as we bid each other goodbye and promise that we will talk again soon, but at this moment I don't want to talk soon. "I love you to, but that doesn't mean you don't cause me pain."
"I know love. It'll be over soon. Just you and I yeah? No one else. If that's what you want, that's what I'll do."
If I could stop crying I would. I would change my clothes put down this whisky and tell myself it's all apart of the plan. He wouldn't ask if he didn't think it would help. He will stay true to his word that when I come home he will get rid of the mistress. Lie after lie. Fib after fib. So I keep drinking because as much as I know this is what I signed up for it's still tearing me apart. My phone now lays unplugged from the wall. I don't want him calling. I don't want to hear his voice. His apologies. I don't want him. Not here. Not now. I want...Thomas. Pathetically and unapologetically.