realization

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this morning, I was brushing my teeth when I realized: if I continue to be angry about things that people from my past have done, I'm still holding on to it. I have no control over the past anymore.

so I guess this is my letting go, let's start with the first group of people who sent my life into a downward spiral.

you bullied me, yeah. but were you ever as perfect as you preached? exactly. but oh well. don't be mad because your parents didn't pay the bills just to buy the nikes and Jordans you made fun of me for not having.
for all the times you made me feel horrible about myself, I forgive you. I don't know who taught you that was okay, and karma will handle it on it's own.

next, comes the person who caused drama and wrecked our 7th grade friend group.

you claimed and claimed he was abusive, but how many times did you threaten (TWTWTWTWTW( suicide on him? exactly, and you turned everyone against him for loving someone who treated him better.
It's not my job to forgive you for what you've done to him, but what I can forgive you for is for wrecking our friend group, because you took the toxic people with you.

and finally, the one who made it hard to love/trust people.

look. this isn't the first time you've been mentioned. I remember sitting in my room waiting desparately for your text that I haven't gotten in +1 month. I remember feeling like shit for wanting love from you that seemed so expensive. I wanted your attention. but it doesn't matter anymore.
this is the hardest to do, but I forgive you and by the off chance you ever read this, this doesn't mean talk to me again. I just don't care for you. I don't know you and I don't think I ever did. what's in the past is in the past. I learned from that experience, and now I can identify the signs of neglective toxicity.

so that's it. there are more people who have pissed me off or treated me like shit, but these were the most memorable.

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