(I have absolutely no excuse for not posting) (10 of these are from the comments on the A/N)
"Craphole, yeah that's me! I'm seven and I'm maaaaale!"
"The names Mcdoon and I make the ladies... mcswoon."
"My nam's Cletus Jones and I've killed three people."
"When you've got blood on your dick!"
"We gotta caulk your wagon mouth-face until the day we die!" (Whoever tf wrote this song omfg)
"So we'll chop him up, remove his guts and grind up all his hooves."
"We'll chop him up and turn him into glue."
"Now spread the caulk on thick, to seal out the water. Now blow on it real quick." "Ugh it has a real strange odor."
"I see this trip has taken its toll, now let me fill your hole." (this quote hurt me)
"When the going gets tough and you're smoking a cigarette, not for the taste of it."
"Hell is your destiny!"
"Your wagon is on fire, it will never be the same. HA HA."
"Grab the girl and let's get going." "The tall one with the ugly dress?" "That's my future wife show some respect."
"I'm too busy saying what's going on."
"Mr. McDoom..." "Wedding bells they are clanging" "the bandit king."
"Your wagon is on fire!" "When did this get serious?!" "When my worlds at stake!" "Your journey is a sham!" "You should've paid attention dad!" "There are lives to save!" "And all that you desire-" "Why aren't you furious?" "We're not far behind." "You're back where you began." "It's all just part of the crime, we'll take it one day at a time. And we'll find our way back home."
"A bride fit for... the bandit king."
"That's my son Craphole, the baby killer."
"Hnnnn, what are you! The watchers with one thousand eyes!"
"You might not think so based on what you just saw but I was Tony in Independence town's community theatre production of West side story. It was like big fish little pond, you know? It wasn't much, but I was proud." *smirks at Jeff*
"Pepperoni... and cheese."
"When you wake up with mud on your dick and you don't even know her DAMNNNN NAMEEEE."
"So, you're the other woman..."
"Run Speed Run!"
"Faster faster faster faster faster faster faster-"
"You get one wagon for the price of two, how's that sound?"
"But you know what kids, sometimes things just happen. And sometimes God is a vicious, two faced prick."
"I've literally eaten everything that I've come across. When I interact with a new object, I'm gonna look at it for a little bit, I'm gonna reach out and poke it, see if it moves around, pick i up, wiggle is back and forth.... and then that thing goes all the way into my mouth, and it fit doesn't try to get out of my mouth, it's going down the hatch. If you ask me, it's a pretty good way to do things. The other day I putt a scorpion in my mouth, that guy jumped right out. I mean, he knew the rules, he played the game, I respect him for that."
"God did it yo us, dam him to hell."
"Did, uh, ahem... did you just fake dying of dysentery?" "Gotcha."
"Goodbye, dad. I guess I'm mom's only son now." "You were always mom's only son. I'm the father, remember?" "Oh, well I loved you like a brother."
"All we're looking for is the bare essentials... boxes and boxes of bullets."
"Now, you see that girl right there? I made her out of my blood and my flesh, my sweat and my tears. And I love her more than the waking world, But I will smother her in her sleep before I see her ruin herself with something like you. So you better just run along now 'cause you'd have better luck sticking your pecker in a cactus."
"Have you ever heard the saying the blind leading the blind? That's what this trip is all about. Remembering old sayings."
"That's what this trip is all about, chewing grass."
"All right, on three. What is this trip all about? One, two three!" *Overlapping* "Dying" "Eating Grass" "Skinny dipping!" "I'm a monster!"
"Cricket. Cricket, cricket.... cock-a-doodle-doo! Hoot hoot, hoot hoot.... cock-a-doodle-doo."
"Lots to learn Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho, ha! Ox like me!"
"Help me, help me."
"You know how the mom comes out." "Yeah, well the ox came out. Come on buddie, the waters just right. And Jeff went like 'yeah be right there honey... AH!"
( I stole a lot of these from http://www.quotev.com I know, I'm a fraud)