home ; chapter nine - fine

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"So nagkakilala kayo dahil dun, tapos he did it everyday na, tapos naging friends kayo. He's your only friend until Lay came along. Tell me, bakit mo sinisikreto na nagtatrabaho ka sa SM from him if he was your friend? Like, hindi naman siguro niya yun pakikialaman diba?" Sabi ni Marione, sipping her drink after.

Napaisip ako. Tama naman siya, pero pumapasok pa rin sa isipan ko ang dahilan kung bakit ako nagtrabaho sa convenience store. And since nalaman na rin ni Woozi ang tungkol sa pagtatrabaho ko sa SM, I found it like hindi ko na kailangan na magkaroon ng job dun as a disguise.

"Bakit nga ba?" Tanong ulit ni Marione, leaning in, as she smiled softly at me.

"Because... I wanted a life that's not so exposed to the public. I want normal Freya to be different from the composer Freya. I met him as normal Freya, and I don't want to expose my other life," sagot ko, but I knew deep inside me that it wasn't the only reason.

"I see. By the way, Woozi feels guilty. Pero you know naman, deep inside you, na tama lang ang ginawa ni Woozi. Tama lang na itinago na muna niya dahil we Santillans can be emotional about things like this. We might do things that we shouldn't, or do things that isn't aligned with who we really are," said Marione.

Tama siya.

I guess, I was just trying to tell myself that it wasn't my fault. It was actually our fault. Woozi and I had our own fault, and we had our own reasons.

It was right na napag-isip isip muna kami bago namin pag usapan ang nangyayari o kung bakit naman nagawa ang mga yun. I figured that if we continued talking that day, we might have ended our friendship right then and there.

"I'm guessing you're enlightened about the situation now?" Sabi ni Marione, at saka ngumiti naman ako.

"You're still wise, you still have a way of making me realize things without telling me the exact words," sagot ko naman.

Sa pag uusap namin ay marami akong natutunan hindi lamang tungkol sa kanya, kundi tungkol na rin sa akin. It was safe to say that I knew I needed her in my life to not have bent beliefs.





I fiddled with my fingers as I breathed in and out deeply. Tinuro sa akin ni Marione ang dorm ng Seventeen, and told me na sa mga oras na to ay baka nasa dorm na siya pero mag-isa lang or tulog na ang ibang members.

Shakily, I raised my hand and pushed the doorbell. I bit my thumb instantly, at saka dumoble ang kaba ko.

Ilang segundo pa ang lumipas ay nagbukas na ang pinto. Pero, hindi si Woozi ang sumalubong sa akin. It was Hoshi.

"Oh? Naligaw ka ba? Um, who are you? Naega Hosh HAHAHAHA," sabi ni Hoshi, and I gave him a smile.

"Actually, no. I was looking for Woozi. Can I talk to him?" Tanong ko, and then he pouted before narrowing his eyes.

"Who are you first? Baka mamaya... sasaeng ka pala," sabi niya, and I grimaced.

Sasaeng? Um, no. No, thanks.

I sighed, dahil wala naman akong ibang magagawa kundi ang sabihin na rin ang totoo. Kakalat at kakalat rin naman yun.

"I'm Freya. I'm friends with Woozi and I'm a songwriter in SM Entertainment," sabi ko, at nanlaki naman ang mga mata niya. Kung makikita man yun.

He opened the door widely, at saka naman pinapasok ako. Nang makapasok na ako ay parang nagpanggap pa siyang spy at sumilip sa labas ng dorm nila. Parang ewan. Mas matanda ba talaga to kay Woozi?

Pinaupo niya ako sa may couch, at saka ako tumingin sa paligid. There were photos of the whole group, and some in unit versions.

"Tawagin ko lang, ah?" Sabi ni Hoshi, and I nodded.

Umakyat na siya at pinuntahan na si Woozi, and I breathed in nervously. Ano nalang kayang magiging reaksyon niya kapag nalaman niya na nandito ako?

Kung saan saan lumilipad ang utak ko.

"Soonyoung, mahahampas kita ng gitara. Bumalik ka na sa kwarto."

"Ang bayolente naman nito. Makikiisyu lang, eh,"

"Eh kung itulak nalang kita sa hagdan? Dun ka,"

"Hay. For all I know, nanliligaw ka na pala,"

"Alam mo, matulog ka nalang hinayupak ka. Layas, seryoso ako,"

Dahil sa mga boses na yun ay nalaman ko na papunta na si Woozi dito. Hindi ako mapakali sa inuupuan ko at iniisip na ang mga maaring mangyari.

Paano kung hindi na siya makipag-ayos pa sa akin dahil sasabihin niyang hindi ko siya pinagkakatiwalaan para sabihin ang buhay ko bilang composer? Paano kung-

"Freya, look, let's get straight to the point. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you, but I'm not sorry for doing what I did. Alam kong nasa rason ang ginawa ko, kaya hindi ko muna sinabi. But for hurting you, that's what I'm sorry for," sabi ni Woozi, and I slowly nodded.

"I'm sorry, too. Sorry dahil hindi ko agad na nasabi sayo ang tungkol sa real job ko. I just wanted to separate my normal life from the life SM Entertainment gave me. Gusto ko rin na makilala mo ako bilang Freya, just Freya, and not the other Freya. If that makes sense," sabi ko, and he slowly nodded.

"Naiintindihan ko naman na, after thinking sa loob ng ilang araw. Mabuti at naparating ka rito. If not, I would have raided your apartment just to tell you I'm sorry." Sabi ni Woozi, at tinignan ko naman siya na may pagkalito sa mga mata ko.

"What?" I asked, and then he shrugged.

"As you can see, I don't have that many friends who are female. I'm not really good at that. But you and Marione are unlike the others, there's something about you two that sets you apart from other girls out there. Maybe that's why I was scared of losing you at some point," Woozi said, at napakunot naman ang mga kilay ko.

What was special about me?

"If you're doubting about what you think is special about you? Then that's what special about you. You don't know you're special. It's normal for you to trance me in some way, to enchant me, to lure me to delve deeper into you. Gusto pa kitang makilala ng lubusan, Freya." Sabi niya.

Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko, sa totoo lang. Para akong nagulat at nawalan ng mga salita, dahil sa mga sinasabi niya.

I never really was the type of person to have friends, so there was also something about him that pulled me closer to him.

Maayos naman na kami, hindi ba? Maibabalik naman na sa dati after this?

I can't afford to lose Woozi in my life. Not again.

"So, are we fine?"

"We're fine."

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