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It's been four months and my stomach still can't keep any of the contents I swallow down. I expected the sickness to go away already. This reminded me of the first day I took a pregnancy test. John and I had been trying for almost a month, having intercourse whenever our bodies would let us. I didn't think I'd get pregnant because the wait for me to conceive was so long. So, we decided to take a break from the pleasure.

It wasn't until I woke up one morning, puking my guts out as John held my hair back that I realized I missed my menstrual. I was over a week late. When I bought a pregnancy test, John stood by my side for the whole thing. Two pink lines stared back at me when the results were in. I called John into the bathroom immediately. He almost cried from excitement. Meanwhile, I was stuck in shock. We eventually told Cory and my parents. They were just as happy for us as we were. Cory was excited to finally become an uncle. He was excited. . .

"I'm sorry about that," I stood from my knees, apologizing to Lucinda. As soon as I ran off, she followed me up the stairs. I felt bad. This was her daughter's memorial and I ruined things with my inability to control my body.

"Hey, you're fine. Don't worry." She shook her head. "When I was pregnant with Eleanor and Mary, I was worse." She chuckled, trying to bring life to the situation. I could only chuckle back bitterly. Awkward silence settled between us. I kept reminding myself I was only a stranger who found her daughter's remains. It helped me differ myself from the rest of the people in this house because she treated me the same when I wasn't.

"Hey, come with me really quick." She gestured towards the hallway. I nodded silently and followed her out of the bathroom. She guided me to a pale-yellow door. Taped to the front of the door, was a drawing of a little girl holding hands with a taller girl. Could it have been her older sister? I wasn't sure.

"This was Mary's room. We had it redecorated after she disappeared, just in case she ever came home." She opened the door. I stepped into the room, gazing around. The goosebumps began crawling along my skin. Was this the kind of information you shared with a stranger? 

"It's really pretty. . ." I played along. A cold draft hung around the room. The hairs on my arms stood. The pale yellow from the door continued into the room all over the walls. A small twin sized bed sat to the right of the room, made up neatly. There was a stuffed brown bear in the corner of the bed lying underneath the blankets.

"Thank you. Now that she's gone, we're going to leave this room in her memory. Do you know what you're having yet?"

"Yeah, a girl." I smiled slightly.

Lucinda's smile widened. "What's her name going to be?"

"John and I decided on Rosemary," I answered.

"Wow, that's a beautiful name."

"John picked it out. He's better at decision making than I am."

"You and your husband seem like wonderful people. I'm sure you two will make great parents." She walked towards the window of Mary's bedroom. I allowed my eyes to take in the room some more. There were a few pictures of Mary displayed on the nightstand beside a white lamp. In one of the pictures she was running across a field chasing . . . teal blue butterflies.

"Well, would you look at that." Lucinda laughed under her breath. My head snapped towards her. I tried to figure out what she was looking at, but I couldn't see from here. So, I walked to the open spot next to her. That's when I saw the blue that's been haunting me all week. It sat outside the window on the windowsill. 

"Mary loved butterflies. Her favorite ones were the blue ones, because blue was her favorite color," she proceeded talking. 

I tried to respond but I couldn't. I froze and laid my hands over my stomach. The spit in my throat stopped moving. As I pieced the clues together, there was an increase in my pulse. The only thing I could think of, was to say something comforting. That's exactly what I did.

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