Let Your Heart Win - M/M

What happens now?

Chapter 8 - Oliver

Oh crap. What the hell did I just do?! How does somebody deal with this situation? One minute we were having fun and the next... well we 'had some fun'. Now I'm in his bed and I don't know what to do. I'm not gay. Probably. I've never thought about another guy before or acted on it.

Well. There were these few times not longer after puberty hit and I was super horny all the time. The sight of someone bending down just got me all hot and bothered, and my thing didn't seem to mind whether it was a guy or girl. I seemed to be constantly hard and there was nothing I could do about it. But that doesn't count. I'm sure we've all been confused, horny teens at some point right? I didn't ever act on my impulses either.

I feel like I'm about to explode. But in a good way. My heart is palpatating quite fast and I feel like something is swimming in my stomach. I've been like this for 40 or so minutes now since Jack fell asleep. This is not normal. I've never experienced this before. I've felt slight flutters before that have lasted about a second when I've been about to kiss a girl. But they don't last long at all. Is this what the feeling is? Nah, surely not? I am a little sore down below as well so maybe thats just making me feel all funny. Thats got to be it. I'm sick, surely?

All I know is that I need to leave the room right now. These feelings aren't subsiding and I sure as hell don't want to deal with Jack when he wakes up. I grab all my things and head out the door as fast as I can. I don't get far before I run into someone.

'Oh man, you devil' It was one of Izzy's course mates. Oops. I feel like I'm about to have a panic attack. He doesn't know does he?!

'Wh...what do you mean?' I feel so ashamed and I want to throw up.

'Sleeping with some girl in Jacks room. He is going to be pissed off when he realises what happened in there.' He winked and then walked away. Panic slowly easing away thank God.

'Izzy!' I spot her on the sofa with Pete. 'Can we leave? Please?'

She sensed my panic and said her goodbyes. She waited till we got back to hers to speak. 'What on earth Ollie? You look like you've seen a ghost.'

'I don't know what to say Izzy. I have no idea what happened. I found my mystery kiss from the other night.'

'That's fantastic! Who is she?? Do I know her?' The tears well up in me after she says this and I don't think I'm going to hold them back. Izzy must have seen my eyes glisten because she pulls me into a big hug.

'Shit. I feel like I'm dying Iz. My heart has gone into overdrive and I feel like I'm having a heart attack. My stomach is in knots and I want to throw up or explode or run or jump into a pool or... or... I don't know anymore. This isn't normal. We had such a good time together tonight and then we kissed and things just went on from there and now I hate myself and I can't tell if this is the feeling of hating them as well.'

'Sssssh... Sounds to me, like you like this person.'

My heart stopped and my stomach sank. Fuck.

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I slept right through my lectures and stayed in bed. If I liked Jack, then why did I feel like absolute crap? I thought falling for someone was all puppies and sunshine and happiness. This was pain and suffering. The worst of it was that I didn't even know what I was feeling.

Izzy couldn't understand what was going on either. I didn't tell her who my mystery kiss was, or correct her when she assumed it was a girl. I just couldn't bring myself to admitting I liked a guy. 

'You're acting like you've had your heart broken, there's got to be more to this. What is going on Oliver? This isn't you.' Izzy was such a good friend but could I tell her? I didn't know what was up with myself or begin to put it into words.

'It's a guy.'

Silence.

'It's Jack isn't it?' My face answered her question. 'So what's the problem?'

I didn't know how to answer this. 'He's a guy Iz. A GUY. I'm straight.'

'And? You've started falling for someone. And sometimes it's not who we expect. Deal with it. I don't give a shit that it's a guy. And I'm sure nobody else a Uni cares either. We are all grown up, mature adults now.'

We both burst out laughing at that last bit. 'Ok, so we may be like bit children, but we are all mature enough to understand men sometimes like men and nobody cares nowadays.'

'I don't know what to do though. That's the problem. I'm a straight guy, what do I do with a man? I know how to be with a girl. Thats what the problem is. I don't know how I'm supposed to act around him or what I'd even say if I bumped into him again.'

'Why don't you just go around there and find out? He's probably feeling the same. As far as I'm aware, he is also' straight' and competes with Pete for the ladies usually. He must be feeling the same as you. Fully straight men don't just sleep with another guy'. 

'I can't. I'm too scared. What if nothing comes of it, will I be feeling this pain forever? Or what if he laughs at me or hates me? Anyway, speaking of Pete, how is that going?'

'Well I am well aware of what he got up to last year and why he is starting again. He doesn't realise I know, so I kept it that way. And I didn't tell him I was single. Maybe he can get to know me as a person first and not want to hump and dump me. If he thinks I am taken, he may be a human being towards me. Then, I'll see what happens.'