The rest of the week went by as usual, with Alexis at my mum's house before she woke up, and back with me when she should be tired.
Though, she never was.
And it was even harder to get her asleep, and to stay asleep. She used to have night terrors, and I had a suspicion they were perhaps coming back.
"Come on, if everyone is coming over, we need to be on good behaviour. For good behaviour, we need sleep,"
"Have I earned my sticker today?"
"If you read a book with me, then yes,"
"Not with you, you read to me,"
I sat beside her bed, where she was tucked in with a bunch of teddies after a hot bath.
I read her a story, then tucked her into bed, gently rubbing her tummy as she got comfy.
"It's sleep time now. Not time to play, not time to go downstairs to Uncle Mikey, it's time to sleep,"
Because when I say it's been hard- I mean hard. One night I came up to her playing with her dollhouse, another she went to the bathroom and filled up the sink, then stood on her step and played with the bath floats. She had also gone to try and join Michael's video games, and it wasn't defiance against me, she was just trying to avoid sleep.
It was really hard to explain it to her without coming across like I was lecturing, because I knew she was only trying to protect herself. None of this was necessarily her fault.
I showered and got into my pyjamas, relieved when I walked past her room and she was still in bed, then got myself into bed. At first, I was going to call Ash, but the risk of unsettling her was too high so I settled for a text.
Hey, Ash, I didn't catch you today
On rounds almost all day for people out of surgery : )
Ahhh, makes sense.
Should I bring any food for tomorrow? I have a bunch of snacks that need eating
That would be great. We have some, but I'm sure no one would complain if we had more. Alexis is super excited, I'm hoping she gets enough sleep
You looked exhausted this week too, so I'll see you tomorrow, okay? x
I put my phone on charge, then heard a little crash, covering my face and groaning.
"What are you doing up?" I heard Michael say, "you know you should be in bed,"
"I went to sleep, now I'm awake,"
"Well it's not time to wake up yet, so night night,"
I heard him shut her door, then went to bed myself, relieved that I could go to sleep myself. My body physically hurt.
I dreaded having to wake up everyday, not because I had to see her, but because it was so draining that I sometimes didn't feel human. It wasn't her fault, and I loved her so much, but it was hard to keep her calm without it seeming like he couldn't be friendly.
Sometimes it felt like I hadn't slept at all.
"Thankyou," I croaked, letting her climb onto my back.
"Uncle Mikey made us breakfast,"
"Well that was nice,"