I thought it was hard to hear the information about my powers. The fact that everything that happened to me and Soroya was all some plan to help the woman hunting her, pisses me off. Analiese Remington chose to give herself that serum, so why ruin the lives of two innocent children to correct your choices? That alone is enough to make me want to punch a wall. But then Soroya informs me of what Shuri and Bruce told her; she and I have a longer life span than average humans.
The thought of living for another one hundred and fifty years sounds incredible...except that Khari wouldn't be there to share it with me.
I should be talking through my anger and pain right now, not sitting by myself in Khari and my spot in the forest. Old habits die hard I guess. Whenever times get hard I retreat into my shell, trying to push out the world and everybody in it. In the back of my mind I can hear a voice telling me this is exactly what I had tried to guard myself from. I opened my heart up, and now I will have to deal with the heart break of losing him.
When that day comes, I know my heart will surely die along with him. But I know, everyday until then, will be filled with the most happiness I've ever felt in my life. It's worth getting hurt to feel that happiness, even if I won't have it forever.
I feel tears form in my eyes, and I don't wipe them away. The thought of spending eighty some odd years without Khari, is more than I can bare. I feel the tears begin to fall down my face, and I bring my knees up to my head, wrapping my arms around my legs and curling into a sort of ball.
A familiar scent hits me nose just as a pair of hands rest on my back. I don't have to look to know who it is, but I do anyways. I lift my head and find tears streaming down Khari's face as well, but he tries his best to look calm as he wipes the tears from my cheeks.
I shake my head, feeling a sob escape my lips. "It isn't fair."
Khari shakes his head also, gently caressing my cheek. "No...no it isn't. But we shouldn't mourn what has yet to happen. We are many many years away from that happening."
The average lifespan of a person is around eighty. Mine is a hundred years after that. A hundred years. I might have to endure a century without Khari. The pain becomes unbearable, and I fall forward, leaning my head against Khari's chest and sobbing. Khari wraps one hand around my head, and the other around my shoulders, holding me tightly. I feel him place a kiss on the top of my head, and say things in Xhosa in an attempt to soothe me.
"I don't want to live without you," I tell him, gripping him tighter. "I don't think I could bare it."
"I didn't think I could either. When you died, I didn't think I could handle being without you. For a long time I couldn't. After five years, my heart was still yours. I knew I would never stop loving you, but everyday it did get that much easier to bare the pain. It will take a long time, but when my time comes, you will bare the pain as well. You'll do it for Soroya, for Bucky. You won't be alone in the world, you'll still have them. And who knows, maybe you'll find someone else to share your heart with." He says, and I can hear the agony in his voice as he says it.
I lift my head from his chest, shaking my head. I bring my hands up to his face, connecting my forehead with his. "Impossible. You're the only person for me."
Despite his pain, Khari manages a smile. "Really?"
I nod, giving him an obvious look. "Of course, you idiot. Like anyone else could put up with my shit other than you."
Khari lets out a laugh, wiping at his eyes. "Well, that's really good to hear...because there's something I've been meaning to ask you."
I pull back from him a little bit, wiping a few more tears away. "And what's that?"
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3 | 𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐑 ─ bucky barnesFanfiction
"Then what is it you want from me?" "What I want, is you." ─ BOOK 3 of the FALLEN WARRIORS SERIES ─ A BUCKY BARNES STORY ─ COMPLETED solobarnes STARTED: October 2019 ENDED: December 2019