So Julian's family wasn't being held captive. He wasn't being held prisoner in HYDRA like I was, he was recruited along with his sister. He joined willingly. He lied to me.
I had Shuri print out the files on Julian and his sister for me to read. I asked if I could read them alone. Everyone agreed to that, knowing now how hard this is for me. No one knew more than Bucky, who I asked to stay with me as I read through the files.
He and I have been sitting on our bed for the past hour, looking through each paper thoroughly.
Julian worked along side Emma Becker for his whole HYDRA career. She specifically asked for him and his sister to work with her. According to a note she wrote, she thought Julian and Analiese Remington were geniuses in the field of science.
There isn't a lot of information on the projects and experiments they worked on, but it says after a failed project, Analiese disappeared. On October 16th, 1999 she gave in her resignation and no one saw her after that. Becker was angry about losing her according to these reports. Julian stayed in HYDRA however, and almost a year after his sister left he was assigned to look after me.
I drop the file I'm holding in my hands, collapsing back onto the bed. Bucky glances over at me, and upon seeing the look on my face, he lays down next to me. He silently trails his metal fingers up and down my arm, waiting for me to talk.
"He told me that his family was being held captive like mine," I whisper, feeling tears prickle my eyes, feeling my throat threaten to close. "He said I wasn't alone, that I could trust him. He...he was my only family for years. And all he ever did was lie to me."
Bucky brings his metal hand up to my face and traces his fingers along my jaw. I can see the pain in his eyes as he says; "He wanted you to trust him and he probably thought that was the easiest way to do that. But whatever his motivations were in the beginning, he...he died trying to save your life."
I grab onto his hand, kissing his metal palm. "I know that look. Don't do it. Don't blame yourself for Julian's death."
He shakes his head, looking away from me, hiding his face. "I just keep hearing your screams, the horror in your eyes when I did it, the-the hatred. I liked it better when I didn't remember our time spent together. But I remember all of it..."
I bring my hand up and cup his cheek, forcing his eyes to look back at me. "We're both blameless in this. Julian's death wasn't yours or my fault."
He glances recoils his head from my hands, looking down at his own hands in disgust. "These hands killed him. My hands crushed the life out of him."
I grab onto both of his hands, holding them to my chest. "No matter what I say, I know it won't make a difference. But one day, I hope you will stop blaming yourself. You don't deserve to to carry the weight of HYDRA's crimes in your heart forever."
A small smile crosses his lips as he squeezes my hands. "I really love you."
I lean up and kiss him gently, feeling him let go of my hands and wrap his arms around my waist, holding me tightly. The stress and tension in his body seems to release as he grips my waist tighter, a sigh leaving his mouth as he melts into the kiss. I feel my toes begin to curl just as he begins to pull away from me. I wish I could stay in bed with him all day. I would love nothing more than to continue doing this, but we both really need to get more research done.
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3 | 𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐑 ─ bucky barnesFanfiction
"Then what is it you want from me?" "What I want, is you." ─ BOOK 3 of the FALLEN WARRIORS SERIES ─ A BUCKY BARNES STORY ─ COMPLETED solobarnes STARTED: October 2019 ENDED: December 2019