Can't Take It Anymore

Chapter Eight

[Craig]

The trap house is where it all happens. The lessons, drug exchanges, fights, gambling and sex. The trap was one of my favorite places to escape to. I was pretty sure this was the BEST trap house in the world. Being around the trap made me feel like I had a family that cared about me. I had more love at the trap house than at my own house and that's pretty sad if you ask me.

The car ride to the trap was pretty quiet except for the loud rap music coming from the speakers. I don't know what Santo's reason was but I had a lot on my mind. The beer that was clutched tightly in my hand wasn't helping either. It was only making my little inner battle worst.

Sometimes I can't help but wonder if I made the right decision about joining a gang. Everyday it gets more difficult and sometimes I just want to break down. I don't know who to turn to though.

I can't go talk to my parents if I wanted to since they're just too fucking busy. What kind of bullshit is that?! You're supposed to make time for your children. I mean I didn't ask to be born...Basically I'm saying I'm all that I really have.

I had to do everything for me and Jasmine on my own when we first moved to L.A., a couple of weeks after they got their little job at Interscope Records. I had to do a lot of shit to survive because my own parents put their fucking jobs in front of their own children!

You want to know how me and Jasmine found out they weren't coming back for a long time?!

A note.

A fucking note!

I remember feeling like garbage. I felt like they just got bored with the both of us and that house we're living in now represents 'the dump'.

I'm telling you I felt like shit for about three weeks straight, walking around all depressed and stuff. I'm used to them not being around as much but it still hurts. I remember us being a family.

I miss that.

I don't even know what a family is anymore.

"Aye Craig, what are you doing bro?" Santo complained, hitting me on my arm. "You passed it."

I snapped out of my little trance. "My bad." I mumbled, backing the car up until it was sitting in front.

Santo got out the car. "Aye, I'll just walk home when I'm done. I'm sure you'll just be bored waiting for me to finish anyway."

I nodded. He had a point. I thought back to all those times when I had to wait till him and Ray finished their lessons. I'm telling you it's pure agony and boredom. "Alright. Good luck bro."

He nodded and slammed the car door shut.

After I watched Santo go inside, I decided that I was going to stop by Sasha's house. We haven't talked ever since that one day.

I know what I did to her was wrong but I couldn't tell her why I wasn't actually at school that day. She wouldn't have understood. She doesn't exactly know that I'm in a gang and surprisingly neither does my sister.

That's a part of my life that I cannot share with them. Sasha would probably freak out and Jasmine would probably just bitch about how she was gonna tell mom and dad.

You try to call their office but their line is ALWAYS busy. You try to text them on their cell phones and you get no reply so I wanna see her try.

I hate them so much.

That's why I do what I want to do because my parents are like fucking ghosts! They don't call, they don't come by their house they're paying rent for, and they don't even fucking write us. Nothing.