Shameful Kibou

Chapter 2: Losing it

Sunday, 1st November 2009 - the hospital

I slowly open my eyes ,but the strong light is blinding . The scent of the hospital is incomparable . I hear nurses talking about my waking up, but none of them is near my room. I panic remembering of what has happened . I look at the closest mirror and don't notice anything changed .It couldn't have possibly been a dream . I lift my shirt to take a look at the wound that was no longer there . I wonder why am I in a hospital , but then a doctor comes in:
Doctor : Mr. Park, how are you feeling?
- Uh, I feel fine .
Doctor : You've been out about 2 days . Do you remember what happened ?
- It's vague . Could you please tell me how you found me ?
Doctor : a girl who assumes to be your student found you lying on the ground and called an ambulance. You were bleeding internally , including your eyes and ears ,it was a terrible sight.. ah I'm sorry , I shouldn't be talking about this , you must still be in shock. Do you have any relatives that you could contact?
I can't understand what happened to me and why that girl was there. Too many questions suddenly keep arising.
- no, I don't have any.
Doctor : ah , then , do you think you're able to go home ? I see you're still shaking .
- I'm fine , then can I leave ?
Doctor : yes, stop by the reception to take your analysis.
- thank you
I notice new clothes on the chair . That girl must have bought them for me. I put them on , not having any other clothes to wear.
As I walk on the corridor , I notice this is the hospital where my brother is hospitalized. I quickly rush to his room thus I haven't seen him in a long time . As I open the door , I finally see him. Still unconcious . He looks very pale and sad. I wish he'd known I'm here for him. As I touch him and hold his hand , a foreign desire takes upon me and someone whispers :" Kill" . I move away from him , but the desire grows stronger. A trip on a chair and fall on the ground. I take a look at my hands and I notice my prominent blood veins and my claws. I get up , hide my hands into my pocket , put my hood on and start running to the exit . The more I pass by people , my desire grows along with the pain. As I am crossing the road , people distance themselves from me . Did they see my eyes or am I looking too suspicious. I start running , wanting to get home faster , but I knock a little girl down . I stop to help her , but when she looks at me she starts screaming . Her mother pushes me away and shivers at the sight of my face . I pull away from them and start running faster, and faster.
I enter my house and lock the door well. My hands are shaking and my body hurts . I don't know how to stop this. I look into the mirror once again and see the ugly face that I had in that place . I really became something else . A monster . I lay in my bed and start crying in despair. The strange voice pops in my head again :
- kill! Kill! Kill!
The sound of it makes me mad . I start breaking things around me only so that the sound of the breaking plates and chairs would surpress the voice.
- kill! Kill!
The more I hear it , the more it drives me crazy. I'm punching my head, hoping that it would stop . As I break another vase, a small note falls from it . I fall down to read it .
-" I hope you won't get in a situation where you'll have to read it , but If you're reading this , be very careful at my words . Our parents went throught this-" my parents ? "-but they couldn't pull throught the end and probably right now I am no longer with you-" how.. how did he know?!"- what is inside you , it's not something normal , but to continue reading this you might want to be sane , so go to the kitchen , open the second drawer and cut your finger with the silver knife ." Trembeling I go to the kitchen and do what he said without hesitating . I feel a big shock , but then the pain starts to fade and the voices went silent . I hurry to continue and read the note .
" you can choose to fight it because you are the strongest amongst all of us because you're reading this . Every time you'll touch a human skin to skin the senzations will come back , but I do not promise that's the only way for them to come back , so be careful . There is a substance that calme your senses. Go to the adress below and talk with that person , you will get help .." that's where the note end ... why is there no more ... I need more answers.. brother please ..