Saving my Own Soul

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Happy Saturday! So happy to be updating for you guys again. Had to step away for a bit, things were getting pretty hectic. But I hope you guys are ready for these updates!


The next few hours were not something to be excited about. Though I kept my cool, and silence, it was hard not to share a portion of what had been going for the past couple of months with Deshawn and me.

Even with the small amount of information I did tell my siblings, they were both still furious, Michael more than Ariah, but both still upset. Michael looked like he wanted to burn a hole through the wall, and I had only just told them about the cheating speculation.

I hadn't even mentioned to them about Deshawn's hidden anger towards me, and quite frankly, I was afraid to and didn't want to anytime soon.

I know it was their job to worry, but, they had enough on their plate to worry about, without me swooping in with my own problems.

"We need to do something! I'm about to beat his ass." He yelled angrily. He yanked his coat off the seat, and began heading towards the door.

I rushed in front of him, to stop his traction, before he could reach the door.

"Mich, NO! " I screamed, shoving him away from the door. I watched his fists clench into large balls as he heaved loud, uncontrollable breaths.

I sighed, and released my hands from his chest. "Just, let me sort this out first, okay? This may not even be true..." I insisted calmly. I whimpered a bit, trying to convince myself more than to them that this entire situation was false.

"Sayria, he hurt you, I can see it in your eyes!" he yelled aggressively.

"No he hasn't Michael! You don't know anything! I swear you're just like Mica and Sumayyah. Always meddling with my life!" I scuffed, feeling my body suddenly heat up.

"Stop it! Both of you. Sayria calm down...Michael chill out, okay? I know this is all very frustrating, but, our main concern is making sure we are there for Sayria, instead of fighting with her. The last thing I want to do, is push her away."

Michael immediately retracted, settling down back on the couch. Whenever Ariah started yelling out orders, I knew to take my sister seriously, and to heed with precaution. I looked back at both of them, with a quivering smile. I grabbed a hold of both of their hands simultaneously.

"Guys, I know you both are only trying to help me get through this, and I get it, but I am okay. I will be. This is just one minor hiccup that I can easily get through. Like I said, it's only a speculation, not a fact. We just need some time. I am fine, I promise, it just got me irritated because I recently had a similar argument with Mica earlier today..."

"Have you ever thought that Sumayyah and Mica only want to do the same thing for you like we are, to help you, to make sure you're okay? Sis, look, it may seem like they're coming at you in this rude way, but, they have a good heart, with good intentions. You should hear them out, and try to listen. "

I nodded my head back at my sister. "I hear you..."

"Do you tho?" Michael inquired.

I rolled my eyes back at him, giving him a snarled look. "I do, I really missed y'all and it was just an outburst. I don't get to see you both as often as I would like to. All three of us are doing our own thing, that's great and all, but, it just feels like we're falling apart, that we're not as close as we used. I didn't really want things to change. And I guess it's just added on addition stress to this whole speculation issue. Which has been bad PR for my company as well. I'm really sorry guys."

A few tears trickled down my face, while I was embraced by some of the two most important people in my life. As I felt their warm arms cuddle my small frame, I began to feel an unsettling feeling at the pit of my stomach. I felt guilty. Though what I had said wasn't entirely a lie..., it wasn't the full truth either. But, it's what is best, for all of us.