Guardian Angels ✔

81 - Being a Mom

It was a slap in his face – the thought that she wanted to get rid of their child. As usual, she was being selfish. The temptation to yell back was absolutely there; the frustration was tearing him up. However, after all the fights they'd gone through, he knew better. Staying calm would calm her down too. 

"You just discovered you're pregnant, baby, at least sleep a night on it before you make a decision." He laid a hand on the small of her back, subtly leading her to the couch. 

She didn't exactly cooperate – all her muscles were tense. "I don't have to sleep on anything! Why the hell would I change my mind!"

The words cut through his heart. He tried to keep his calmness by paying attention to his breathing, putting a lot of effort in sounding reasonable instead of angry: "Because it would hurt me, Alex."

She rolled her eyes. "Don't be so dramatic."

A disbelieving laugh rolled over his lips. "You think I'm the one being dramatic? You smashed up your bathroom!"

Like a stubborn child she pulled up her shoulders. He pushed her towards the couch, sat down on it and pulled her on his lap. Immediately she tried to get away from him, but he wrapped a strong arm around her. 

"No. Sit."

Angrily she turned around, trying to hit him in the face with her elbow. He however knew her well enough to be prepared, grabbing her lower arm. 

"Enough, Alex. Hitting me is gettin' you nowhere."

"Just stay the fuck away from me, asshole!"

"That's not what you want. Not really. The only times you get this aggressive is when you panic, when you're afraid to cry."

She yanked her arm, kicked his ankles. As vicious as she was, she was still a girl and he was stronger than her. The look on her face told him the fight inside her head was exhausting her. In the end, her arms slumped down and she bent her head in defeat. Juice wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against his chest. She pressed her cheek against his chest and he heard how she started to follow his breathing. 

At least ten minutes passed before Alex looked up skittishly. He gave her an encouraging smile. She looked away, but her fingers laced with his. "I don't know how you put up with me," she said quietly. 

"Well it took a while before I figured out your instruction manual, but I think I get it now." He cupped her jaw with his hand, forcing her face upwards so he could look her in the eye. "We're in a relationship, remember? We're in this together. Whatever we decide."

She nodded slowly, briefly looking into his eyes. "I really don't want to keep it Juice."

He tried to keep control of his disappointment. The idea that he would lose a son or a daughter before it was born, stung. Even if it was so little. He was sure he would look different at little kids now; time and again he would wonder what his own kid would have looked like. "You have only a few months left before you're prospecting period is over, Alex. You made many sacrifices, but is your top rocker really the only thing that matters? A kid can give you so much joy... I know that you're scared to live without a goal in your life. But this would be a wonderful new goal, right?"

"What, playing mommy and daddy?" she snorted. "No thanks."

"But what do you want?" he asked. 

"I dunno. I'll see what comes my way."

"This comes your way, Alex."

She looked up to him and kept his glance. Her jaws clenched. "Be honest, Juice. Can you really picture me with a pram?"