Tomorrow, Today (COMPLETED)

Switch Button

Rain is pouring since morning today, the weather is a bit cold. What a bizzare summer. It came too fast, and now it's raining in the middle of summer. The sky is gloomy, unlike the usual blue and sunny sky.

Jinyoung is sitting near the window, looking at the people walking down the street. They all seem to be in a rush, avoiding the rain. Colorful umbrellas can be seen from up here inside the upscale restaurant where Jinyoung is having lunch with Mark. They all look pretty. Jinyoung feels a bit jealous, he wants to run in the rain so bad, he wants to feel raindrops pouring down his closthes, his body. He wants to feel the coolness of the air, he wants to smell the wet soil after the rain. When he was a child, he loved to play on a rainy day with his friends. He would come home dirty, body covered in mud. Then his mom would scold him, smacked him with a stick. It had a history, that stick. Little Jinyoung was rebellious.

Jinyoung chuckles seeing a man giving his umbrella to a girl taking a shelter in a shop's canopy. How romantic, he thinks. He can use it for his next song.

"Wae, why are you smiling?", Mark asks, startling him.

"A man just gave his umbrella to a girl. Down there", Jinyoung points. The girl is now walking through the rain while the man running toward opposite direction.

"We are having a lunch date and you pay more attention to random people down there?", Mark teases him, he pouts his lips making cute jealous gesture.

Jinyoung smiles looking at the hyung's cute face, "you know, Jackson told me the same thing. He said I paid too much attention to the bird when we got out together. Geez why are you guys so possessive?".

"Because we love you too much", Mark slices his steak and scoops the piece to his mouth.

Jinyoung blushes, this hyung always knows how to play with him.

"Eat your steak, it's getting cold", Mark says, "do you feel unwell? You like the steak don't you?".

"Yea, I love it", Jinyoung's focus is back on his meal, "it's just.. it feels wrong".

"What is?", Mark asks consciously.

"Eating steak before going to the hospital for the chemo".

"On the contrary, it's the right thing to do", Mark goes back digging his meat, "you won't stand even the smell of it. Dig in while you can, tell me if you want anything else".

Jinyoung laughs a bit, only Mark can take everything so lightly, it's his style. But it does make Jinyoung feel lighter.

"You're right, I'm stupid if I don't eat this", Jinyoung gets his hands back to his plate.

"But really, if you have something to say, just say it. I'll listen".

Jinyoung looks at Mark dearly, Mark indeed knows him so well. Jinyoung knows where this conversation leads to. This is exactly why Mark insisted that they have to go out on a lunch before heading to the hospital. Jinyoung takes a deep breath.

"I'm just nervous about the chemo. It's different than before, I have to stay in the hospital. I just got out a week ago, can you imagine?", Jinyoung whines without stopping his meal, "dr Song really didn't sugar coat everything when he told me that it's going to be tougher than the previous. Lots of things can happen. And with the radiation, I may get more side effect. Like, how many other side effects are there? I've experienced various side effects and guess what,there are actually more".
"And then I have to stay inside of the isolated room this time because my bone marrow will be damaged after the radiation, I may not be able to fight off anything. You guys, I don't know if you guys can come in or not, but you sure have to wear those hideous scrubs and mask to see me. You know those old movies about extraterrestrial things, aliens. It looks like that. It's so stressing. I've told myself not to stress about this over and over, but I just can't stop it. I just got escaped from death and who knows when I will face it again? I am really scared, hyung. Doctor said I'm actually making progress, but I don't know. Sometimes I feel happy, I feel positive, I think I can go through this like everyone said. But sometimes, I just feel like I'm going nowhere. Whenever I feel like I take one step forward, something comes and push me back two steps. Most of the times I'm just feeling pissed because I'm going to have chemo again, and feeling sick again. I'm tired of being sick. Laying in the bed all day is boring, staying inside of the house is boring. I want to go hiking, I want to climb the mountain, I want to play soccer, I want to write another songs, I want to get back to the stage. I miss my fans and I miss everyone. I even miss having control of everything. I know everybody said it won't be long, I only have two more treatments then I'm done. But I feel like I'm at the end of my patience here. Last spurt is always the hardest, I don't know if I can go through this shit two more months.. or more... This stupid cancer is annoying, really".