Her

It was a sudden thought. So sudden in fact that when it struck out of nowhere, it seemed like my entire being froze.

I stared at her, taking in her entirety and thought to myself: Will I ever be able to stand without her?

She had been there even before I became fully aware. She was there when I fell and rose on my own feet. She held and guided me without any complaints. She listened to my grievances, stories and mindless chatters with admirable patience. She gave her all without expecting anything in return.

I was spoiled. Her attention, care and love made me feel full. I never even realized that she became almost like the center of my world. She is as important to me as air is to us humans. She is essential to not only my continued survival but also my happiness.

Looking at her currently smiling at me, her cheeks a little hollow, skin not as firm as mine, hair slowly turning white, I was suddenly hit with the strangest urge to cry. To launch my strong adult body onto her now seemingly almost fragile hands and feel her warm hug for eternity. Just like when I was a little girl, ignorant of everything around but her.

She had always been so strong. In my eyes, it was like despite carrying a heavy weight in her shoulders, she still managed to make our life as light and unburdened as she wanted. The illusion she created was so strong it even blinded my eyes who was always watching her as closely as I could. 

She seemed unbeatable, a strong warrior clad in iron armor, undefeated by any foe.

But in the end, no one could ever be strong forever. Seeing her gentle aura and quiet determination, all the while knowing that her strength slowly but surely declines filled me with an equal amount of sadness and fierce pride. For her resilience and overflowing love.

I don't want her to go. I don't want us to be apart. I want her to always stay together with me. If it's possible, I want us to grow old and leave together.

I don't ever want to know what life would be like without her. Because thinking about it already agonizes me. Like a huge chunk of my heart has been cut witha serrated knife. The jagged, uneven piece left bleeding inside, unable to properly heal.

So for now, I smile back at her, lips wobbling dangerously and eyes quickly filling with tears as I let myself walk over to her, sit at the floor and rest my head on her lap, closing my eyes as she dragged her hands gently onto my hair.

I can't ever beat time and the future remains uncertain. The answer to my sudden question left unresolved, but I will try to make sure that for every suffering and sadness she experienced in her life will be compensated greatly simply for being here.

My beautiful and strong mother.

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Very late but still, Happy Mother's Day!! I needed an inspiration and it just came now. Hi mom!!!