once, still & forever | a Matty Healy story

Dazed, Limp & Weak - Chapter 16

I was disturbed by the motion of myself being shook, rather violently may I add, bringing me out of a deep sleep which I was enjoying. 

"Sophia! Soph!" I could hear, but it felt like that person was so far away, so far away I could barely hear them.

"No, please no, no no" was all I could make out, while I tried working myself up to move, which I failed in doing because my whole body was limp.

I tried opening my eyes, I just about opened them enough to see everyone stood before me, everyone being George, Danielle and Emily. All with distraught looks on their faces.

"Matty, she's opening her eyes!" Emily shouted with relief, as she was rushing over to me.

Matty is here?

I could make out that he was kneeling in front of me, looking at me in shock, now grabbing my shoulders, which made me groan.

"Hmm?" I just about mumbled, feeling myself drift back into a sleep, my eyes feeling so extremely heavy.

"Sophia, please don't go to sleep!" I could hear Matty croak, "Fight it! Please!" he almost sobbed, shaking my shoulders and then cupping my cheek. 

"Sshh" I just about spoke, all I wanted to do was go back to sleep, I felt so exhausted and sleepy.

"Do you have any ice?" George asked frantically to Emily, who had tears running down her face.

"Yes, why?" she replied confused, the fact that she was crying evident in her voice. 

"She needs to wake up, an ice bath will shock and wake her whole body up" he explained quickly, then ran off to the kitchen.

"Will she be okay?" I heard Danielle speak worriedly to Matty who was still kneeled in front of me, his hand still in place, his thumb now running up and down my cheek bone softly.

My whole body was still completely limp, but for some reason at this point I could hear what everyone was saying, I could hear their movement and their harsh breathing. I just couldn't wake up or force myself to move, I was stuck in this weird daze that had control of my whole body, and it frustrated me.

"I don't know" he spoke sniffling, "...she did so much coke" he almost whispered, I could tell that he was ashamed of himself in the tone of his voice. 

"Well, we all know who's fucking fault that is, don't we?" Emily spat at Matty, who I heard sob again.

"Sophia" he was closer this time, I could feel his breath on my face as he talked, but I couldn't do anything to tell or show him I was okay.

"I love you so fucking much, Sophia, please" he was begging at this point, he now had a grip on my hands, lacing his fingers in mine and I could feel just how shakey his hands were. 

"Please don't leave me" the emotion in his voice broke my heart, but I still couldn't bring myself to wake up, to make my body function.

"She's so cold" he cried out to everyone.

"Bath's ready!" George shouted, rushing downstairs, as I could hear his boots stomping down the steps and walk towards us.

"I'm going to carry her up, but you can sit with her until she wakes up, okay man?" he asked Matty, who I assume just nodded. 

I felt myself being lifted, carried up the stairs and then eventually placed down somewhere.

"Take all the time you need" George spoke softly and then closed the bathroom door, he always was the calm one, no matter how horrible the situation.

I couldn't mistake the feeling of Matty's hands as they stripped each item of clothing off my limp body, until I was fully naked. I could hear his frantic breathing as he picked me up, and placed me into the freezing cold water.

My body jumped as it came in contact with the icy water, my hands now being able to clutch Matty's shoulders, not wanting to sit in the bath.

"It's okay" he spoke softly, but I could tell he was still crying.

I could feel my eyes become less heavy the longer I sat in the bath, as we sat there in silence, Matty still holding my hand after running the water over my hair, waking me up even more.

I groaned, which caused Matty to snap his head up to look at me.

"Soph?" he asked, carressing my face with both hands, "can you hear me?" he asked again softly.

"Hmm" was all I could manage, trying to reply, not being able to fully find my voice. 

"Oh, thank fuck" he cried, running his hands through his hair and down his face.

I could feel myself being able to fully open my eyes, the coldness of the bath now warming my skin up, making me feel normal again.

"Sophia" he said in awe when he saw my open eyes, leaning forward to kiss multiple parts of my face in relief. I then saw just how broken he looked, but I still couldn't form any emotion, I was still too in shock to do anything.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so, so fucking sorry" he whispered, crying silently while pressing his forehead against mine.

"Matty..." was all I was able to croak out, which just made him sob more.

By this time, I felt normal, and I wanted out of the bath.

I tried lifting my arms up, looking at him and hoping he got the hint to lift me back out.

He smiled through his tears and nodded his head, which showed me that he understood.

"Come here" he said, scooping me up into his arms, not phased at all that I was completely naked.

He clutched a towel around me and sat me down in his lap, rubbing up and down my arms.

"Here" he stood up, making me also stand up with him but rather weakly, "put this on" he gestured placing my dressing gown over my shoulders, which was hanging up in the bathroom. 

After putting it on, he picked me up again, and began to carry me downstairs, kissing my forehead every once in a while. 

"Soph!" I heard Emily shout, running over to grab my face, almost checking if I was physically okay, even though I was still in a daze.

We then sat down on the couch, the couch were this all happened, the only part I remember of this whole event, taking that first line of cocaine.

I curled myself up on Matty's lap, trying to distract myself from my thoughts as he was still trying to warm me up.

"Here, drink this sweetie" Danielle said handing over a cup of tea, my weak arms stretching to accept it. 

"Thank you" I whispered, finally forming actual words, to which she just smiled at me sympathetically.

I had two mouthfuls and couldn't even finish the rest, as I could feel my eyes growing heavy again, this time because of natural exhaustion, and this time I was actually allowed to fall asleep.

"Thank fuck she's okay" I heard George whisper, everyone now sitting on the couches around me, my eyes closed.

"Matty, I'm sorry for what I said earlier, I was just so upset" Emily spoke softly, obviously thinking that I was 'asleep', although I could still hear them. 

I could feel him nod, as I was turned towards him, stealing the body heat from his chest.

"I thought I was going to lose her" he choked, his chest heaving up and down with his fresh sobs.

"Mate, she's fine now, she's okay" George assured him, but I could still hear him sniffling. 

I could feel myself drift in and out of sleep, feeling content with Matty's arms wrapped around me.

"I just love her so much" I heard him say, and it was the final thing I heard just before I finally fell asleep.