Untitled Part 14

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When I opened my eyes again it was already dark outside. Despite all the sleep I had, I felt extremely tired. I'm sure this much isn't healthy. Every muscle hurt.

The door opened and Benji entered. He had a glass of water in his hand. He made sure the door was locked. I sat up and leaned against the backrest. "You're awake baby. I couldn't bear to wake you.", he said softly and sat down on the bed next to me.

His Hand softly caressed my hair while he placed the glass on my lips for me to drink it. I swallowed most of it. "How are you keeping up?" I only shook my hand. There seemed no way to talk about my feelings. Is there a way to be dead but still alive? I am. "hold me.", I whispered. Surprised how rough my voice sounded.

Benji lied next to me, actually, it was more like I lied on him. My ear on his heart listens to his heartbeat. "I want to break up." At this moment, I swear, his heart stopped for a few seconds. Just to start beating very fast again.

"You are not funny, Jorge." I looked in his eyes. "I'm not." He bit his lip: "What are you suppling?" I faced the stars again, not wanting to look in his face: "This relationship just seems pointless." "You don't know that yet. We love each other so much, we could get through everything together." I instantly felt sick: "That's the point, Benji. I don't love you." It was quiet. No one said something.

"Jorge in some relations it's normal that one person gives and shows more love. You love me I know that. I'm not mad that I love you more, but please stop talking before you destroy something working. I heard anger and confusion out of his voice. "still, if there is no love from one person, then there is no hope for a future."

He pressed his arms tighter around me. It hurts my organs, but I don't care. Even if I die, this would be the most beautiful way to. "Jorge, you don't mean that. I know you. Please." he sobbed a couple of times. "But I do mean it." The wet of his tears tingled in my neck. "You should leave." Normally I would cry but I don't have any left. "At least let me stay the night." he pleaded. In response, I grabbed his hand and squeezed it lightly. He flinched away from the contact but still hugged me close.

"I'm so sorry", hushing he said: "At least you're honest", followed by his dry laughter.

It only made me feel worse. But he wouldn't understand the truth.

When I woke up he was gone. For the rest of the weekend, I stayed in my room. My body was slowly collapsing. It was impossible to swallow something, expect water. 

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This may or may not be the last part until next Friday because I'm in Italy and don't know if I'll have wifi or time. ily.

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