𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕊𝕥𝕣𝕠𝕟𝕘 𝔾𝕚𝕣𝕝𝕤 ℂ𝕝𝕦𝕓 ☁︎☀

sᴜɪᴄɪᴅᴇ ᴀᴡᴀʀᴇɴᴇss ᴡᴇᴇᴋ |Wʜᴀᴛ ɪғ ~ The founder

Same time last year, all I wanted was to take my own life.

But the words "What if?" helped stop me.

"What if things get better, and I'm not here to see it?"

"What if life doesn't always stay this way?"

"What if ending my life isn't the answer?"

"What if things really can change?"

My mind asked.

The thing is there were also the other what ifs running through my mind.

"What if life is just hopeless?"

"What if I never heal?"

"What if my life just has no purpose?"

And these questions still come back at times.

What I've realized though is that getting past suicidal thoughts and desires and finding true happiness is a journey.

You don't jump from depression and longing to die, to happiness and desiring to live overnight.

It takes time.

It takes ups and downs and good days and bad days.

I'm still on the road.

I still have good days and bad days, ups and downs, and moments where it all just seems pointless.

Lately, I've been so overwhelmed with fear that everything I've gone through will always be there as a horribly painful reminder regardless of the great things I'm about to enter into now.

It has me constantly asking myself no matter how great things get, "is happiness even attainable for me after all that's happened?"

This is because I'm at a place now where so many things that I've wanted my entire life are right in front of me.

The negative "what ifs" are back with different questions.

"What if this isn't all I dreamed it'd be?"

"What if I'm not good enough?"

"What if all I've worked for my entire life never makes me happy?"

But I realize now that these doubts, the low self esteem, the worries, the fears, the struggles, they're always going to happen.

Things aren't ever going to be perfect, but that doesn't mean they can't be better, drastically better even.

You might never be the same person you were before all of the pain, but you can still be an amazing human being.

You're worth the journey of recovery.

You're worth the fight.

So stay alive and stay strong.

"What if you CAN find happiness?"

'What if you can heal?"

"What if there is so much waiting for you if you just keep fighting?"

"What if all you've been through is not for nothing..."

Remember, no matter how hopeless you may feel, there is always another choice.

For every negative fear, there is always another "what if."