Hey hey hey! c:

soooo, today, I shall bring you another rant! BUT! There's a bonus! Since in the Philippines, ALL SOULS DAY or HALLOWEEN is just around the corner (like on Saturday), I will do 2 chapters dedicated to horror stuff, scary movie DUMB moments, and just scary rants about some dumb scary shiz. Okay, are you ready?

CUZ I'M REDEEEHHHH!!!

SCARY MOVIE DUMB MOMENTS / SCARY MOMENTS

Common "scary movie" places

Okay, so if you noticed in every scary movies (well, MOST scary movies), like everything happens in spooky jails, or just a suburban house, at dark streets, or haunted mansions... even abandoned buildings or scaffoldings! Like okay!

Why can't they make a change of setting!

Oh, and also, BATHROOMS!

Why OH why bathrooms all the damn time?!?!

WAIT! I have a hint. 

IS IT BECAUSE WHEN WE'RE SHITTING AND A FREAKIN WHITE LADY APPEARS OUT OF NOWHERE WE CAN'T RUN BECAUSE WE STILL HAVE SOME SHIT TO LET OUT SO WE JUST DIE THERE AND THEN AND WE SEEM TOO VUNERABLE?!?!

Not that I don't LIKE the idea, it's just getting TOO MAINSTREAM!!!

And also, the setting. I'm not kidding when I say that I'm sick of seeing the SAME old settings. House, street, abandoned parking lot,  forest, abandoned house in a forest, abandoned street in the...parking..lot...IDK! But get my point?

Why not have a movie in Walmart?

Me: "Mop up on Aisle 3!"

Other Clerk: "But...

*long still silence*

"...there IS NO AISLE 3!"

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUNNNN!!!

"Is anyone there?!?!"

Always.

Just. How stupid can one character be sometimes? Like, okay, for example, take me as an innocent girl watching TV, kay? It's very dark outside, I'm ALL alone, all the doors are locked, and it's just me and the TV with some junk food surrounding me. 

Then, I hear footsteps in the kitchen.

I KNOW that I'm all alone, so WHY the heck would I hear footsteps? Either Niall Horan suddenly popped out from nowhere and wanted to EAT IN MY KITCHEN, or something effed up is going on.

okay, considering I'm a common horror movie character, what do I say?

"WHO'S THERE?!?!"

Sure -_-

Like the killer would say "Hey yeah! I'm in here, just gettin some lasagna before I kill you!"

....

wait...

I HAVE NO LASAGNA!!!

*DUN DUN DUUUUUNNNNN*

Wait? No-WAAHHHHHHH

So how do I explain this? Oh right...

JUMP SCARES!!!

Like, it gets me the WHOLE freaking time!!! So, I'm watching a movie, okay, then a random door opens slowly, the girl watches in horror. So she hides her eyes with her hands and peeks to see if something would pop up. I was like the girl.

I WAS LIKE: "BITCH SHOW UP ALREADY YOU AIN'T GETTING ANY YOUNGER!!!"

But then, the thriller music at the background fades (note: this was one of the movies I watched when I was still a young carrot), so I think that "Oh okay, false alarm, lemme get my-"

THENAFREAKINGBITCH-ASSSCARYWHITELADYPOPSOUTOFNOWHERESCREAMINGATTHETOPOFHERLUNGSTOWARDSTHECAMERALIKEWHATTHEACTUALEFF!!!

Srsly, I hate staring at the screen in suspense, and when I'm about to conclude that there's nothing there-BOOM!

Instant heart-attack remedy right there folks.

Sex: Instant portal to doom

I have seen a LOT of scenes where a couple does sex, either in a forest or in a car, or just on the bed in a bedroom. Heck, I even saw one in a dingy motel! It's ANOTHER cliche' movie event here.

*has sex in the car* *chainsaw massacre guys screws everything up*

*has sex in the bathroom* *bloody mary scares the shit out of them*

*has sex in the forest* *slender man...well you know...*

*has sex infront of police* *BITCH YOU END UP IN THE POLICE STATION*

But, at least this helps with Sex-ed teachers...maybe?

Knife. Always a Knife.

Basically, the killer uses a knife, or scissors, or chainsaws, axes, all those sharp objects. I-I admit, that IS SCARY, but it's getting MAINTSREAM! I want some fun!!!

Why not see a Silver Spoon Massacre guy who hits you rapidly on the head with a silver spoon until you get internal bleeding in your head and die? 

LIAM RUN! RUNNNNN!!!

Women/girls are clutzs 

Ouch.

Gender Inequality much.

Like the WHOLE damn time whenever a girl is trying to get away from a ghost or a killer, she LANDS ON HER FACE or TRIPS AND FALLS INTO A CLIFF or TWISTS HER ANKLE and all that shit. It's showing that girls are such clutzs!

IT'S BASIC CARDIO IN GYM CLASS!!!

WE WOMEN AND GIRLS ARE NOT CLUTZS THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!! CAN I WHACK A "SAY NO TO GENDER INEQUALITY" BANNER AT YOUR FACE!!! LIKE WHYYYY?!?!

Why can't I see a guy trip for once? Like it will be so HOT when he falls down slow mo, like dat face OMFG-wait I'm daydreaming again hehe...

....

wait...

IT'S 9:00 pm HERE!!!!

*DUN DUN DUUUUNNNN*

+

okay so lolz Imma do the next chapter now bye :) hope you enjoyed :D ~Rose

|| Rants of a Teenage Wattpader ||Read this story for FREE!