All Kids Go (Dance Moms Fanfic)

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Three

Paige lay on her bed with wet hair and her pajamas on. She had just gotten out of the long, hot shower she took after she went trick-or-treating with Chloe and Nia. She rubbed her nose with the back side of her hand. She wrote:

Dear Diary,

It’s been almost a month since Brooke left. And the truth is, I really miss her. I never would admit it to anybody. Not even Chloe and never Josh! Tomorrow is my 12th birthday, and I don’t want to be 12 without Brooke. I know she won’t always be there, and I’m going to have to get used to it. But, I really wanted her here. I told you, Diary, about that night she came home past her curfew. Even a moment as terrible as that, I miss. I miss trying to ignore her footsteps and awful singing that blare out of her room in the late hours of the night. The hallway always smells so good after she takes a shower too, but whenever I get out of the shower it NEVER smells like that.

Diary, what’s gonna happen when she comes back and Josh and I are all growed up? Things won’t be the same. She’ll keep treating us like we’re eleven and thirteen years old. But, we’ll be twelve and fourteen. What if she doesn’t come back for Christmas? Diary, do you think she won’t be here for Christmas?

I know what you’re probably thinking. ‘You see her every day, why do you miss her?’ Well Diary, I just do! You know, sometimes…I don’t know if I should tell you. What if Josh reads this? Or even worse? Mom or Chloe or even…MADDIE! Oh well, Diary, I’m going to tell you anyways.

Paige tapped her eraser on the empty line of the paper. She asked herself out loud, “Should I write it?” She looked around her room for a sign. She wanted to write it, but she knew that it was going to end up in the hands of the wrong people eventually. “I just have to write it,” Paige said. Shakily, she put her pencil back down onto the paper. She continued to write:

Some nights, really late, she’d sneak into my room and crawl in bed with me. She’d put her arm around me and whisper, ‘I love you Paigey Mack’ and then she’d kiss me behind the ear. Sometimes she’d even start crying. Most nights that she came and slept in my bed, she did. It would keep me up, but I would never let her know that I was awake. I’d listen to her as she cried about Brandon and Nick and Mom and Abby. One night she even admitted that she was jealous of me. She was jealous of my blonde hair and the fact that I was tall and skinny. I mean, I’m just barely taller than her now. Everyone is though. Except for maybe Maddie and Kenzie. Even Kendall is taller than Brookie!

Last week, Brooke’s solo didn’t place. And it was weird that when we got back home, she didn’t crawl in my bed and cry about it. No matter how much she said it didn’t hurt her feelings, it did. She always cried when she said that whenever Abby would say something about her, it hurt her feelings. Honestly, Brooke is the most sensitive girl I know. She really is a cry baby. Abby hit the nail on the head when she said that!

Mom is really embarrassing. She’s always screaming or complaining. And Brooke is lucky that she isn’t seen going home with her. Brooke is at the studio more than any of us now. She’s never ever home. I wonder what it’s like at Abby’s. I wonder what her room looks like? I bet it’s painted a bright color and there are a bunch of Cirque posters are up. I wonder if there are any boys there.

The night that she left, before she left with Ms. Abby and after Dad told us what was happening, she pulled me into my bedroom. I tried not to cry. I tried to be strong for her because I knew she was sad to leave. She sat me down on my bed and as soon as she opened her mouth to say something, tears poured out of both of our eyes. Later, Josh told me that he was standing outside the room crying too. But he wouldn’t want to tell anyone that!

Paige erased the last two sentences, just in case Josh did read it or Chloe or Maddie and Kendall. Paige yawned and heard her name being called from down the stairs. She closed her diary and put it on her bedside table. She skipped out of her room and down the stairs. She quickly did her chore and ran back into her room. Josh sat on Paige’s bed with watery eyes and a stuffy nose.

“Josh?” Paige asked cautiously, not sure that it was truly him or not. It was Halloween and she was worried that it wasn’t him.

“What?” Josh asked. “Can I not lay on your bed and cry?” He chuckled a little bit through the tears, “Damn, I never thought I’d say that.”

“And I never thought you’d say that!” Paige practically screamed. “Now what are you doing in my room? And on my bed with THOSE nasty shoes?”

Josh kicked his shoes off and looked at the family picture that was hung on Paige’s wall. He gave a shrug as tears trickled down his smooth, yet damp, cheeks. Paige watched as her brother cried. He rolled over onto his stomach and threw his hat across the room. Paige sat down on the bed next to him and put a hand on his back.

 “I miss her,” Paige said. “You know, tomorrow will be my first birthday without her.”

“Yeah,” Josh said. “I know.”

“But, you know what I do when I’m feeling sad?” Paige asked, and gave his back a little rub. Josh turned his head, poking one eye up at her. “I sing. I sing Zip A Dee Doo Dah or You Are My Sunshine.”

“That won’t help any.” Josh wagged his head, sitting up a little bit. “Those are songs that she sang when she was here. And at least you get to see her every day. I haven’t seen her in an whole month!”

Paige and Josh didn’t say anything for a while. Josh continued to cry, and Paige joined him. Kelly walked into Paige’s bedroom when she heard crying. She didn’t want to at first, but she did. She didn’t know if Paige was hurt or not. Ever since Brooke had left, Paige had been more and more reserved and had completely stopped telling Kelly things.

“Kids?” Kelly asked quietly, pushing the door in.

Kelly walked across the room and sat on Paige’s bed, next to Paige. Paige leaned into her mom and Josh got up and went over to the other side. Usually, Josh was the kind of kid who was embarrassed to be seen with his mom. He didn’t want anything to do with her, at all. But then, once Brooke left, everything changed. He became the oldest in the house. He started holding his mother’s hand in public and not caring. He would kiss her on the cheek before bed and before he would get out of the car at school or at hockey. He mainly did it to show Paige that it was okay to still love her even though she let Brooke go off to Abby’s. Josh laid down, with his head in Kelly’s lap.

Josh sobbed, louder than Paige and Kelly combined. Without even having to ask, Kelly just knew why they were crying. She laid there for a while with both her babies, one on each side. There was only one duckling missing from her flock was missing.

Josh wiped his cheeks off, “I miss Brookie.”