My Soul on Trial - Chapter 5-8

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Chapter 5

I was beginning to see hope, that my Lord wanted me to stay. Just then, Lucifer spoke words that cut me like a knife, cutting out all hope.

"This boy doesn't belong here, he belongs with me. Look at his actions of his life."

I could see the images before me and they were like weights, holding me down. "Look at your life Eric; there were times you were good- very good. But, before long your life would turn amuck and you would be getting in trouble again" Lucifer said.

He transported us to times where I was being the kind of child my parents were proud of - helpful and respectful, but then, like a switch was flipped, I turned into a nightmare of a child.

Lucifer took us to one day in particular, where,  I saw myselft at seven years old  putting my plastic fire truck on fire and how that fire almost spread to the house. Then with another wave, I saw myself at ten years of age and I was throwing rocks at passing cars causing windshields to break, and then hiding to prevent from getting caught. Scenario after scenario, I saw how my actions affected my parents and others.

"Please stop, I know that I was not perfect. I didn't want to be bad, but I was, I cannot describe how I felt. But all I wanted to do was act out to cause misery to others. Misery I, myself was feeling" I stated, pleading to Lucifer to stop.

Lucifer then walked over to me and put his long and powerful arm around my shoulder. "You are correct Eric, in stating that you caused misery to others. You caused the most misery to your parents, who only wanted the best for you. You made them second think their decision of having you - had they done that, you would have never had this miserable life you had. But as I stated before Eric, I don't blame you. I just wanted to show you that if God did love you, he would have done more to help you."

Sorrowfulness was soon replaced with anger after hearing these words, but before I could speak, the Lord looked at me again and said, "Eric, as I stated before, that you were never promised a perfect life. The feelings you experienced were symptoms of a disorder the doctors never diagnosed."

The Lord took me to times when my parents took me to one of the several psychologists we visited in my youth. "We cannot find anything of concern, Mr. and Mrs. Skinner. The only thing we can say is that he has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, which can cause him to react without thinking"

"You have only seen him for three visits, how can you say there is nothing of major concern? There is something greater than ADHD; he is a perfect child but something happens and like a switch he turns into this unruly kid," said my father.

"Look, Mr. Skinner, I understand your concern for your son. But as you said so yourself, I am the third doctor you have taken your son to see. What was their diagnosis?"

"You have all said the same", my mother exclaimed, "however, none of you have seen him long enough to watch his behavior change."

"Look, again I can understand how you must feel, but I have other patients that have more serious issues that need to be attended to. If you do not like my professional opinion, you can take your son to yet, another doctor."

I somewhat recalled these events, I was still a young boy when this all happened. My parents decided not to take me to any additional doctors. I can see that they did try everything within their means, to help me.

The Lord again spoke, "Had the doctors listened to your parents had you visit a little while longer, they would have seen, what your parents saw - that you had bi-polar disorder. If the doctors listened, they could have treated you and your life would have been much happier. But again, pride and greed got in the way and the doctors refused to listen."

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