October.

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Last October was when I started noticing changes. They weren't bad changes, they were just... Different changes. Changes I eventually learned to cope to. It had been almost a month since I started dating my best friend, whom I've always had a small crush on since Junior High.

Cancer.

Cancer threw everything towards the changes. I mean, I didn't know how much time she would have left. Nobody told me she had only six months to a year. Everyone knows about our bond but, I was told nothing. This woman had the biggest impact on my life. You would expect it to be someone I wasn't related to but, It was. My grandmother. The most wonderful, heartwarming, loving, caring, with a spicy side of her made that impact. She was always there. When I didn't want to be at home anymore, I could call her to come and get me. I'd be a few blocks away at her house watching tv and eating. I was always Eating. But when I wasn't there eating, i'd be napping with her. Taking in her scent of insulin and Victoria's Secret's Love Potion lotion. Oh how I loved that smell. It was comforting to me.

On October fourth, I knew, I just knew, I wouldn't have much longer with her. Brain cancer was like a abusive significant other. Little by little, it breaks you down; taking things from you along the way.

She was always tired. Tired of being tired, strong. It pained me everyday. I always felt as if I had a big weight on my shoulders I could barely carry. The weight of fear and loathing. I had a fear of losing her but, loathed everyday she lived in pain.

The Friday of October that she had her surgery and we had been given the news of the brain tumor being cancer, I had the worst experience of my life. Anxiety had come and attacked me mid break down. I was outside for a good 10 minutes trying to calm down and figure out what was wrong with me. Of course I wasn't the only one as upset. That day, my mother had forgotten to put up the handicap card she had in her car for my grandma when she had parked in the handicap spot and gotten a ticket. She had gone home to her drunk and angry father who just made things worse.

Friday, October 4th 2013 at 9pm, everything changed.

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