Twelve long years, it took me twelve long years to realize what I've done. What I took advantage of, what I let go of and who I lost. In pride and arrogance there is always no route to winning anything. Here I am, without it and without any self- esteem, still pretending that everything is fine. Blind-sided. Back in Tokyo- to marry a wonderful man. I blink, tears- they're so foreign to me now. Why should I cry?
She lost her career to an accident. It took her cars, fame, money and job away from her. But it also took our little girl's life away from us. Little Hotaru who would not have been so little anymore. She died in that accident, and in my grief, I centered all my anger on poor Haruka.
"Michi... Michi... wait, please don't leave! Don't do this! I need you!" Haruka said, as she stumbles and falls to the ground together with her cane.
"You'll learn how to walk Haruka." I said, stern. Taking our engagement ring off of my fingers, throwing it but not to purposely hit her face. Tears began streaming on her pale skin, her hair, although a little bit longer escaped those tears. Haruka pushed herself off the ground picked up the ring and walked ever so slowly and surely towards Michiru,
"That's not what I meant. Everything will be alright as long as we're together right?" She said in between tears. Smiling as she does so- but there was something about her smile that it painful to watch. Her brows furrowed as she tried to maintain that SMILE and sob at the same time. She slowly reached for my hand but before she could put the ring back onto my finger, I snapped her hand away from mine.
"Because of you she died! Hotaru died! Because of your selfish thrill seeking!" I never meant to blame her, but she was the driver. How else can I explain what happened to myself? I needed to get away from her.
"Don't you think I wish It was me, instead of her? Everyday! I just want her to be in my place, I want her to be alive. If I could tell God to do a miraculous exchange I would! Michi... please... I love you." Again, her tears were over-flowing, why couldn't I just have embraced her? I wish... I did.
"I don't and I wish that too. But this is life and no one can grant my wish." I closed my suit case, ready to leave all of this pain behind, Haruka caught up with me, I don't know how, specially with her condition, but she did. She embraced me from behind, I tried to wiggle out of her grip, but she kept it firm.
"I love you. I'm sorry, but I promise, I'll try to be a better fiancé, I'll be the best person for you, please... don't do this. I understand, you're angry and I deserve it, I don't care what you do to me, just STAY. Stay, Michi, for us, stay." How I wish I did. But that day- I was not myself. I was stupid. I was heartless. I twisted my body so that I was face to face with her. She looked so... tragically beautiful. Without hesitation, I pushed her. It was so easy to push her, she fell. Without a word, I left- hoping I would leave the pain behind. I could hear her call out for my name, her desperate attempt to run towards me, her resignation and her cry.
I made it to my cab, stuffing it with my belongings. I left. I escaped. I only escaped the place. The scene of the crime, so to speak. But the pain never left me.
Now, I stand here in this bridge. The bridge that meant everything and anything to the three of us. Meeting place, celebrations, reconciliation's and so much more. I look at the river beneath it, same thing goes by. Canoes, people smiling and laughing and laughing while enjoying the scene. I tuck my hair back into place and behind my ear. The wind passes me by.