Twenty-Three // Timebomb

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His arm is wrapped tightly around my waist, just like always.
I check the time and see that it's almost nine.
As quietly as I can, I slip into the bathroom.
I take as long as I can in the shower without burning my skin off.
When I come out wrapped in a towel, Calum is sitting on the edge of the bed.
Without a word, he grabs my wrist and pulls me until I'm standing in between his legs.
He rubs my arms to calm me down.
"Are you gonna be alright today?" He asks me.
I shrug.
Calum makes me sit in front of him and goes into the bathroom.
He comes back with a brush and starts to brush my hair.
I close my eyes and enjoy the warm feeling of his hands on my neck and my face.
"Lucky." He mumbles.
My eyes open.
"What was that?"
"I was just thinking about how lucky I am. To have you. To have all of this." He responds.
"Lucky to have me? I'm a mess, Cal." I laugh.
He leans over and kisses my forehead.
"You are not. Come on, beautiful, let's get ready."
It's hard.
They're sad.
All of these people are crying.
And for what?
To make me feel worse?
To make Aaliyah feel worse?
To make Tatiana feel worse?
And all I hear the whole time is am I okay? and what do I need? and how am I holding up? and Tatiana was a beautiful little girl.
No, nothing, I'm not, and I know.
Peggy thinks I'm hiding my feelings.
Cal thinks I'm just cynical.
I don't think either of them are right.
I'm just too tired.
Too tired to think, to eat, to feel, to laugh, to cry, to sleep.
When we leave, Calum tries to talk to me.
I'll admit, I'm pretty rude to him.
But I'm trying to ignore the fact that he's going on tour in three weeks.
And I won't see him for almost a year.
Also within that time, I have to move to New York.
Which I haven't told Calum about yet.
"Cal, I need to tell you something."
"Oh! This is the best part!" He ignores me and plays the air guitar.
"Yeah?" He continues to headbang.
I sigh and turn down the music.
"Calum. I need to talk to you."
He sits on my bed.
"What's up?" He lays down and picks up his phone.
I take it from him and force him to look at me.
"Take me seriously for once. This is important." I tell him.
He nods.
"Okay, I'm sorry."
I take a deep breath.
"I'm taking the offer in New York."
He nods.
"That's great. But it's not what you wanted?"
"It's not that. I, um. I'm moving before you leave for tour."
"Okay, then catch us in Florida. I don't see the big deal, Caro."
"Cal, I don't know if I can get off of work. This is going to get really intense once I move. I'll be working crazy hours, flying all over the place."
"When did you take the offer?" He asks.
I was hoping he wouldn't ask.
"Doesn't matter-"
"Caroline, when did you take the offer in New York?"
"Cal, I really don't-"
He stands up.
"Just tell me when you took the goddamn offer." He barks.
I look away from him.
"Two weeks ago."
"And you didn't tell me because..."
"Because I was scared to see your reaction." I whisper.
"Damn right, you were! You were going to throw away the next year of our life together without telling me! What kind of trust is that, Caroline?!"
Now I was standing.
"Don't you dare talk to me about trust, Calum. You lied to me so many times, you asshole. I didn't tell you because I was scared."
"Of what?!" He screams.
"Of you! Of this!"
"Of us?" His voice gets quieter.
I nod.
"Why?" He asks.
"We're a timebomb, Cal."
He lets out a cold laugh.
I never thought I'd hear that one again.
And it scares me.
"I thought you wanted this." He says.
"I did."
"And now?"
I still want this, Calum.
Read my mind.
"I'm not sure." I croak out.
He shoves his shoes back on and starts to walk out.
"Well, call me when you are."
"Wait, Calum."
He whips around and looks at me.
"Don't forget your phone." I hold it out to him.
He snatches it from my shaky hand and storms out.
I slide down the wall and tuck my head in between my knees.
And that's about the thousandth time I cry over Calum Hood.
A/N: Hey guys. This was hard to write bc arguments aren't my thing. But some people were confused about the last chapter um? Yes, Tatiana did die.
I'm sorry.
And I know people will be confused about the reason they argued (sorry) but Caroline didn't wanna tell Cal she was leaving bc she's scared of him (oops) and she thinks that them breaking up will help her forget him while he's on tour ( which probably isn't true but oh well)
Again, I suck at writing arguments but ILY. ok peace and hugs

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