beware || seo changbin [✓]

fifty-six.

Once dinner was over, I helped my mom clean up a bit. While she washed the dishes, I dried them, putting them back in the cabinets. I even wiped the table down and Hannah came to help sweep. I went back to the sink to help finish putting away the last few dishes.

"How are you feeling?" my mom asked me in such a quiet voice.

I shrugged my shoulders and continued to dry the plate that was in my hand. "I still want to lay in bed and never come out."

My mom took the towel from me to dry off her hands. She pulled me into a hug, tightening her arms a bit. "You'll be okay. Everything happens for a reason." She pulled away from me, telling me to go back to my room and that she'd finish the last few dishes.

I gave her a faint smile and walked back to my room. I closed my door and plopped myself back on my bed, pulling my phone out from the waistband of my shorts. Changbin's text was still on my lock screen. I unlocked my phone, clicking on his message. I clicked the little info button at the top. My thumb hovered over his phone number for a bit while I debated in clicking it or not. Part of me didn't want to. I didn't want to talk to him. He broke my heart, and hurt me countless times. But, I love him. The times we weren't arguing, we were laughing. I would help him with music, he would help me with drawing. The days I would feel insecure about myself, he would constantly tell me how much he loves me. I didn't want to talk to him, but then again, I did.

And without even thinking, I clicked on his number.

My heart stopped as I stared at the screen that showed it was calling him. It took me a moment to register what I did. I put my phone up to my ear and listened to it ring a couple of times before he picked up.

"Chaise."

"You said you needed to talk." I started to nibble on the insides of my cheeks as I waited for him to respond.

"Uh, yes." He took a deep breathe. "First I want to apologize. I let jealousy get the best of me again, and wanted you to feel something. Which is such a dick move to make."

I stayed quiet. I'm not gonna sit here and tell him he's wrong, or that it's understandable. Did I want to tell him I forgive him? Yes, because like I said many times before, I forgive easily. Did I want to tell him I miss him? Yes. But I just remained silent while he continued his speech.

"Chan left in such a hurry this morning, he wouldn't tell me what was wrong. He told Jisung, but wouldn't even look at me. Jisung finally told me about you not leaving your bed or eating? Chaise what's that about?" It was quiet for a few seconds. I guess he thought I was going to give an actual explanation when clearly, it's pretty obvious what it's about.

"I've done a lot of thinking this past week or so." He finally spoke up again. "Like, a lot. And I realized how good you are to me. You've stuck by my side through a lot the shit. It may not seem like it, but you've helped me through things. You were the one who was always by my side, the one who I could turn to for help, the one who still loved me even after all the shit I put you through. Chaise, I need you. I need you back. I've seen how my life is now without you being a huge part of it, and I hate it. My manager keeps trying to set me up with his daughter, and her friends? But I don't want any of them. I want you, Chaise."

I won't lie, I want him back too. Just like he said I helped him, he's helped me. We've gone through our good and our bad times, but he was still there. I did want to strangle him to death multiple times, but I also want to strangle Jisung.

If I go back, I'll be the "stupid girl" once again. Everyone will say how it's so stupid of me to go back after all the shit he's put me through. They'll say they want me to so and so, or that I'd be better off single. And that's where I think some don't understand. We've gone through our good and bad, like every other relationship. Some of our bad is worse than others, but then again others have it way worse. Some of our good is better than others, and others have it even better.

I love this kid. I love him to death. I would do whatever it takes to make sure he's okay before I'm okay. I would do anything to give him the world. Sure he broke my heart by ending it so sudden, but I also broke my heart more by not fighting for him. I let him go. I know I could've tired harder, but I was too in shock that he was actually serious. I see the good in this kid. Most people see the dark souled boy who has done some bad shit. They want him gone. They won't give him a chance to show who he really is. But I see the boy who's trying to change his ways. He wants to be the best he can be, and of course it takes time. And I would do whatever it takes to help him become the person he wants to be. I truly am in love with Seo Changbin. And sometimes it hurts.

I must've been too deep in my thoughts because I heard Changbin calling my name several times through my phone. "I'm sorry, what? I was thinking and didn't hear what you said." I admitted.

He let out a soft sigh. "I asked if you would take me back? Give me another chance?"

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I could feel my heart pounding like crazy as if this was a life or death situation. And sometimes that's exactly what it is. I either do what my mind says, and let him go. Or I do what my heart says, and hold him close, even if he is on tour for a couple more months.

I felt the palms of my hands get sweaty. For some reason this was making me nervous? I don't know why? Maybe I'm just scared. Scared of what's going to happen. But fuck it.

"Okay, I'll give you another chance. Because I love you, and I can see you trying." I finally answered. "Everyone's going to say I'm an idiot, but I'm so in love with you, it hurts. I don't know why I can't seem to let you go."