Divine Descent

Chapter Six

The night does not frighten me.

Not even in a foreign place. Not even alone.

I walk through the crowded market, watching people eating dinner, conversing to customers and friends. I pass folkloric dance clubs, social clubs, music halls.

I focus on anything but what's inside of my brain, my veins... what lies behind my mouth, what damage I can do with my hands. I watch the world bask in their customs, in their love and families, drifting by them like a spirit they cannot see.

I've never been seen as anything but a monster, even when I was human.

I've been used, beaten, betrayed, defiled. Fear has been embedded into my very being from the beginning of my life. Maybe it was for a reason, so that I'd understand what I am.

But it's becoming harder and harder to forgive it.

I'm beginning to realize the true price of my actions, what this divinity means.

And I'm scared. I'm going to lose myself to this, I can feel it.

Will Elijah want me then? Will he see his progeny Angelica in me? Will he shun me like he did with her?

"Some kushari?" a man calls out to me, making me realize that I've stopped walking, frozen in the middle of the bustling marketplace. I turn my head, dazed and nod. He begins to prepare a plate and is almost done by the time I reach the stand.

I hand him some pounds, taking the order, and find a place to sit. The dish is a mixture of rice, pasta, lentils, chickpeas topped with a tomato sauce. It's delicious, but after a few bites, I push it away from me on the table, too overwhelmed to enjoy it.

Apart of me is glad Elijah didn't follow me. Apart of me is concerned it's for a reason.

Two small kids race around the tourists, giggling while their parents try to tell them to simmer down. In this plaza, the world seems harmonious. Deep down I know it's not.

I can hear every injustice, pinpoint any sliver of horror in the world.

I can go anywhere I want to go, see anything I want to see.

Before, I complained I didn't have enough power. Now, I have too much. Too much to do nothing with it. I throw out the dish, walking on, wishing to find a more quiet area of the city. Winding through roads and paths, I take in the history as I stroll, imagining the civilizations that were here long ago.

A warning illuminates in my overactive brain, hearing perverse thoughts of someone nearby. My eyes look around under the dim lights for movement. I catch onto a few men leaving a nightclub, seeing two already looking in my direction. They make my presence known to their friends immediately. I'm not shocked that they cross the street, nor shocked when they call out to me, taunting with pet names.

I can understand every word they speak, and despite trying to ignore them, they've really caught me on a bad night. Eventually three of them give up, heading in opposite directions, but two continue to persist.

I keep telling myself over and over again... it's not you. It's what's inside of you. They can't help it.

"Sukar!"

Bated, annoyance arises. Then frustration. Then anger.

I turn into a slim tunnel, resolved when I find it's empty. I whirl around right as the young men enter behind me, uncomfortably at ease chasing a woman down like this. Everywhere in the world, they always feel at ease in this part. The little piece of me that still feels somewhat human remembers the fear in a moment like this one, where I'm the prey. It almost eases me that I can still recall it.