If only I could reach you...

Chapter 2 - Unable to escape

Being next to Sean was more unbearable than she could expect.
She could hardly touch the food, grasping for air, feeling feverish every time he would slightly look in her way, as if he was looking through her...

Sean was sitting in front of her but, instead of looking at her, he would behave as if she didn't exist and that indifference, that coldness was all she had feared, since she had met him fifteen years ago. She wasn't ready for him. She wasn't ready to share the same space, the same air, with him...

In a way, she was thankful to John's attitude: by ignoring her, she wouldn't be forced to interact with him, speak to him because the whole point between them had been just it: that man had the power to intimidate Sarah in a way no one ever had. She would begin to scatter, to say stupid things she would regret later, because in the proper moment, he had the power to confuse her, mess with her mind, like a total puppet in his hands... But, still, it hurt being ignored by someone she had loved for so long. It hurt to realize he hadn't missed her, to the point her wouldn't even address to her.

Sarah noticed Father James was highly committed to the task of setting two couples together: she and Peter and Mary and Ricardo. That was his deal and even the places at table had been disposed to allow a closer contact.

Sarah looked at Peter: ginger hair, freckles, athletic body impeccably dressed – too overdressed, considering they were at a Mission, in a poor yet beautiful African island -, eager to get her attention, constantly touching her arm and showing her he was a pro, in the art of getting money for humanitarian causes. One could easily see he was his uncle pride, his golden boy... But, despite the fact that elegant and handsome lawyer was giving all his attention to her, her mind was elsewhere... How could she focus on him when the only man that had attracted her like a magnet was standing right there, in front of her?

- Living here... it must be so different from the life you had in London, right?

- Yes, Peter... it is... but... well I made this choice and, here I am...

- Yes, Sarah, but still it is quite a change – for the first time, Sean was addressing to her and she could feel the red alerts of her mind ringing like crazy: - Why did you leave everything to come here?

Sarah felt Sean's eyes, scanning hers... he knew exactly how to do it. He had the ability to read each of her expression and, the fact he was ten years older than her, made all the difference. He was a mature man, someone who had lived a lot while she... she was just Sarah. Plain and simple Sarah. Who had had three boyfriends but, despite the long relationships, was still a virgin. And that was the issue: her all world had stopped the minute she had realized he had captured her heart. Since Sean, no other man would seem interesting or intelligent enough. Because he had the power to dry her mouth, skip the words off her mind and, next to him, the time stopped, giving her the feeling no one else mattered, besides she and he. So, when she listened to his question, she had to lie because the reason why she had left, was a name with four letters: John.

What else could she say? Lies... nothing but lies...

- I left because I needed a new challenge. That's all. – She knew he was looking at her, because he suspected the truth.

- And your back?

- Uh? My... my back? – she instinctively touched the scar, on the lower part of her back.

- Yes... your back?

- Fine... it's fine.

Sean smiled and dedicated the rest of the evening to Mary and Father James, even though Dr. Ricardo was too eager to monopolize the conversation.

Sarah couldn't help but admiring John, and all that had made her fall for him: he was, without a doubt, the most intelligent man she had ever met, not being particularly handsome, he knew how to make a woman feel special and his sense of humour was is most powerful weapon. Sarah loved to laugh. She used to admire not-so-handsome-men because, not being good looking, they were forced to work on other skills, such as the sense of humour and the intelligence. And, Sean... was a master in it. He was a tall man, wavy brown hair, friendly smile, elegant without being athletic. Charming for his voice was a bit rusty, with the certain tone of voice to get your attention.