•s t a r s•

Chapter 3

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     Rowan was caring. He got me a glass of tea in the fridge. I could tell he was off set by the fact I only had drinks in the fridge and no food at all. I could tell he was going to ask me about it. He already saw me shirtless so I guess he knows I'm starving.

"So pretty boy-" Rowan spoke before I interrupted.

"M-my names Nico..." I corrected. I didn't want him to call me pretty boy because I knew it was a lie. Who would ever think I was pretty?

Rowan stared at me for a second, "So, Nico, are you going to go to bed or do you want to have a really early breakfast and watch tv?"

I just shrugged. I wasn't all that tired and I definitely wasn't hungry. I think the last time I ate was three days ago at this point. And I did eat a lot. I should be good with the hungry pain for about another 5 days.

"I-I'm not that hungry. Thanks f-for asking." I stuttered. I never stuttered until I had seen this man. I just couldn't get my words right. And he scared me a little bit.

Rowan nodded, getting up and going to my cupboards. I gulped in fear at the fact he was not going to find any food.

"Nico- why is there no food in your apartment?" He asked, turning towards me with his eyebrow raised.

I stayed silent. I didn't want him to find out I was sick. That's the last thing I needed anyone to know. Not even Lorelei and Tom knew and they were my best friends! I couldn't trust anyone to know because then they'd force me to get "help" and I'd get fat and ugly again. I was beautiful being skin and bones.

"Nico I need to talk to you," he sadly spoke, walking towards me and kneeling on the ground in front of me.

"Are you anorexic?" He asked, grabbing my hand that didn't have the bandages on it.

I sat there in shock and fear for a moment. I didn't want to say yes or no. I didn't want to lie and I didn't want to tell him I was. He was a complete stranger! What if he yelled at me and made fun of me?

I started crying. Like a baby. I got so overwhelmed and worked up that I started sobbing and I pulled my knees up to my chest and covered my face with my hands. I wish I had my pacifier right now. I really needed to go into little space.

I think he understood my crying as a yes. I knew he would. He scooped me up in his arms and held me while I sobbed into his chest. I barely knew this man but strangely he comforted me.

"Sh sh sh baby boy it's okay. I can help you," he spoke, making me cry harder.

I didn't want help! I just wanted to be left alone to turn to nothing but a sack of bones. I didn't want to be alive anymore. I knew I would never be beautiful so what was the point?

He rubbed my back and make sushing sounds in my ear. I think he could tell I was going little. What if he was a daddy? It'd doubtful but I hope he is. He'd be an amazing one.

After a few minutes I stopped crying. He laid us down on the couch so I was straddling him as he held my hips.

I sniffled and hiccuped and covered my face. This was so embarrassing.

"Nico can you tell me why you starve yourself? I want to help buddy." Rowan spoke.

I started crying a bit again. I tried my best to explain everything. How I felt I was unworthy of love and how I felt ugly and I needed to try and be beautiful. Only beautiful people get families and a husband and children. I explained my mom and dad when I was growing up and how he was the only one who knew I was sick.

He nodded and rubbed my back trying to calm me down as I talked. It surprisingly worked very well. Rowan seemed so understanding and nice. I really wish he's not going to turn around and hurt me.

When I was all done speaking we sat there in silence for a few moments. He grabbed me and laid me down so my head was on his shoulder. It was comforting as one of his hands laid on the back of my head and the other rubbed my back. Why was he so friendly?

"It's okay baby boy. I can help you step by step. I know what it's like to help someone who's anorexic- my sister died at the hands of it." He told, sounding like he was about to cry himself.

I nodded and muttered a light "okay." I was so tired. Rowan rubbing my back made me instantly slip into little space and get very sleepy.

"Go to sleep Nico. It's all okay buddy." He soothed, placing both of his hands still on my back.

And with that I fell asleep in the arms of a stranger.

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I woke up still in Rowan's arms. I expected him to leave me as soon as I fell asleep. I got up and crawled over to the floor. I turned on the tv and played forensic files. I was in big space and normally I'd be able to handle this.

I got bored very quickly and went to go grab my bath toys and paci. I was going to chill in the tub for a few minutes and wash up all my dried tears and sweat.

After a few minutes of me playing I heard footsteps. It's probably Rowan looking for me. I heard him creep around for a few more minutes before going back to the living room. I don't know why but I got a feeling of dread as I left the bath.

I wrapped myself in a towel and hid my toys and got dressed. I put on a simple tucked in t shirt that read "LOS ANGELES" and cuffed pants.

I walked out and saw Rowan sitting on the couch staring at one of my pacifiers and a pull up I had.

Oh no.

He asked, "Nico- are you a little?"