Chapter 81

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My eyes stay on Selena but my mind goes to Carmen as she's blabbing about some drama in the music industry. I kept imagining her with that guy, rethinking the kiss they shared and probably what they've done after making me more angry. I don't know why I'm so pissed I got a girlfriend why shouldn't she get a boyfriend? Fuck I shouldn't even be thinking of her, she's my ex girlfriend, and my baby mama, and the girl I loved forever, fuck. No what am I thinking? I should just listen to Selena. I listen to her ramble on about how her best friend Taylor never has time to hang out anymore because she has a boyfriend or something. My mind goes back to Carmen. I think about the way she talks, the way she moves, her smile, her eyes, her ass... "Abel! Are you even listening to me?!" Selena asks me annoyed, "yeah babe sorry." I say to her. She rolls her eyes knowing I was lying but continued to talk anyway. Selena's voice is choppy and often cracked unlike Carmen's, her voice was soft and mature, a hint of a Brooklyn accent always among it, only cracked when I was fucking her- "oh my god Abel what the fuck are you thinking about?!" Selena asks angrily, "just the way you talk baby." I say to her. Her annoyed expression changes to a happy one and she pulls me into a kiss, "thank you Abel." I smile and nod, technically didn't lie to her. I wonder if Carmen thought about me as much as I thought about her.
I feel Alex pulling me closer, his hands resting on my hips as we kissed. I thought of how Abel used to kiss me, he was an amazing kisser. Fuck. I internally roll my eyes. I shouldn't be thinking about him. I hear a door open upstairs and remember my daughter was here too pulling apart from Alex, "I'm gonna check on her." I say to him. He nods giving me a small smile as I go upstairs. I see Lolita in her room with a box of photos, "hey what are you doing?" I ask her sitting next to her on her bed, "looking at pictures of you and your family." She says, "they're your family too." I say to her, "I hope I can meet them soon." Lolita says, "maybe you can come to my birthday party, we're gonna have it here, it'll be a barbecue." I say to her, "you think dad could come?" She asks me, "sure if he wants to." I say with a small smile. As I say that I have a flashback of my last birthday with Abel, god that was fun, "hey whose this?" Lolita asks as she pulls out a picture of my mom, Chuck, Darren and I. My heart stops as I look at the picture, my mind racing with memories of him. God...
"Lana?" I hear Lolita say. I shake my head and look to her, "Lana what's wrong?" Lolita asks me concerned, "n-nothing baby...I'm sorry..." I say to her, "he's my stepdad." I say to her taking the picture from her, "Lana, you can talk to me..." Lolita says giving me a small smile. I look at my daughter unsure, "mom..." she mumbles looking into my eyes. I feel shock come over me as I hear that word from her lips, "you can trust me." She says. I hug her, "h-he raped me..." I say to her holding her tightly, " it's okay." She says to me as I cry into her shoulder. It was so different telling Lolita. "I-i shouldn't of told you..." I say to her, "yes you should have mom, it's okay." Lolita says to me comforting me. A few seconds later Alex comes in, "you guys alright?" He asks us as I pull away from Lolita and look over at Alex, "yeah babe thanks." I say smiling at him. He nods and kisses my head, "I'm going out, you want anything?" "Cigarettes please." I say to him. He nods and gives me a kiss as he leaves, "how'd you meet Alex?" Lolita asks me, "He was my boyfriend before I left Florida." I say to her as I dig through the pictures and find a picture of me and him when we were teenagers then handing it to her, "you were blonde?!" She asks confused. I chuckle a bit, "you just noticed?" "Well I never knew! You never posted anything when you were younger." She says. I smile and nod, "well yes, it's blonde." "Why don't you ever go blonde?" "It reminds me of Darren..." I say shaking my head, "Lana don't, don't let him do that to you." I look up at her confused, "don't let him take shit away from you mom, he's already taken enough." I feel tears well up in my eyes and I hug her. She was being so nice. "I love you Lo..." I say crying against her shoulder. "I love you too mom." She says rubbing my back. I pull away from her and look away, "mom, dad misses you so much..." She says to me. I look up to her, "I don't think so." I say to her, "mom he's miserable, he's so worried about you." "why would he be Lo? He's got his beautiful girlfriend, his nice house and his daughter." I say to her, "all him and Selena do is fight and fuck and I hear both so I know." She says rolling her eyes, "you and dad were so much more happy." She says to me, "honey, I already tried getting back together with dad but he, he doesn't want to he told me he loves Selena." I say to her sadly, "but mom-" "do you have any other questions?" I ask her, she sighs but gives up, "was planned?" I chucked, "no but Abel was very happy to have you." I say to her "were you happy?" "Yes and no, I was happy you were mine and Abel's but I was very very scared. I knew I wasn't ready and I definitely knew I couldn't give up my addictions." I say to her. She nods, "tell me about you Lolita." I say to her, "well um, like what?" "Do you have any friends?" I ask her. She sighs, "not really, I'm kinda shy and distant I guess." She says sadly, "well my best friend, Marina, has a son and a daughter maybe you guys would hit it off." I say to her. She gives me a shrug, "maybe." She says, "he'll be at my party I'll introduce you guys." I say to her with a small smile. She smiles and nods, "do you have a boyfriend?" I ask her. She nods, "yeah." "What's his name?" I ask her. She hesitates, "I cant tell you right now, it's new..." she's lying but whatever, "where'd you meet?" I ask, "school." She responds, "oh nice, does dad know?" She shakes her head, "don't tell him either, please." I nod and look away from her, "wanna go downstairs?" I ask her. She nods and we sit on the couch together and watch tv.
I push Selena on the bed and look her over. When I see her tight black dress clinging to her all I can think about is Lana. How Lana would look in that or what she'd do to me right now. I get hard thinking about it. It's the worst feeling knowing she's still getting drunk and high, it killed me, I hoped so much that she'd stop. I feel Selena pull me on top of her and pull me into a deep kiss. I give her what she wants and after we're done I lay down next to her to sleep. I roll my eyes as I feel her arms wrap around me, "baby I have to tell you something..." she says, "what?" I ask her, "I-I cheated on you..." she says, "what? With who?" "Does it matter?" "It was Justin wasn't it?" She looks away from me and I know it's true, "get the fuck out." I say to her, "Abel-" "we're over for good, get out." I say to her. She begins to cry as she gathers her things and I go to sleep.

Carmen | Lana Del Rey x The Weekend |Where stories live. Discover now