102 7 0

"So what do you have again?" Anna asks me, offering me a cookie.

"OCTD. Obsessive-Compulsive Tic Disorder. It's a branch of Tourette." I take a chocolate chip cookie from the box.

I avoid telling this to many people, but Anna is my friend and I don't want to hide it from her.

"Tourette? Isn't that the thing where you swear a lot?"

"Not necessarily-"

"Cause you don't swear at all! Come on, you don't have anything!"

I sigh and try to stay calm. After all I've been through, someone telling me I don't have anything just..really ticks me off.

I let out a high pitched sound.

Anna puts the book of cookies down and clears her throat.

"Look, you just have to control it."

"I am TRYING! "  I think, trying not to scream in frustration. I tell this to myself every day, I don't need other people telling me this as well.

"It doesn't work that way," I say, taking a cookie and biting into it, stifling a yawn.  It's only 4 in the afternoon, but again, the medication makes me extremely tired. All I want to do is sleep, even though I don't do anything all day. I dropped out of choir and dance, I don't want to bother them with my tics. 

"Oh come on. It's all about willpower. I had this tic once about blinking differently, but when people told me about it, I just controlled myself. It's not that hard, just try."

I drop my cookie on the floor.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, let me clean it up," I say quickly.

I  bend down under the table, trying not to explode. It's not her fault. She doesn't understand. She probably never will unless she experiences it herself. Which I really hope doesn't happen. I don't wish this to anyone. Not even to Satan's-henchman-Gabriel.

"I have to go," I say, putting the crumbs back on the plate.

"What?" Anna asks,  clearly confused. "But you just got here!"

I don't answer as I pick up my bag and go out the door, ignoring Anna's shouts, silent tears going down my face. I'm not mad at her. I just need some time alone.

No, I don't actually do that. This is not a cheesy movie. 

I just continue talking, smiling, like nothing is wrong.

I let out a high pitched sound.

This is my condition. Too noticeable to be ignored, but not severe enough to be taken seriously.

The Tourette DiariesWhere stories live. Discover now