Movie night

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So yeah, I was stuck with numerous tics. Enough, right? That's all it is. Anything else that I do isn't related to this, right?


* * * * *

May 20, 2017

"What about Passengers? It sounds like a really cool movie."

"No...," I reply to Dad, who is suggesting his fifth idea for tonight's movie. "Why can't we re-watch something?"

"Like what?"

"I dunno..Harry Potter?"

Just as I say that I realize how much I want to see it. It's a longing inside of me, even though I can recite the whole movie line for line. I look up hopefully from where I am on the floor in front of the TV.

I let out a high pitched sound.

"Come on, you've watched it like ten times!"


"Watch something new for once!"

"But I don't like anything you suggested! And I want to watch it again."

I let out a high pitched sound.

I lift my shoulders up and down.

"Then you choose something. Let's just decide or it'll get too late."

She is right. It's already dark out, it must be past 9 o'clock. Mom comes into the room, carrying three big bowls of popcorn.

I scroll around Netflix, biting my lip harder than ever. Why am I so closed off? My parents know what I like, they wouldn't choose something they know I wouldn't enjoy. So why am I like this? I want to agree with them, but my brain is attracted to the same movies I watch over and over again.

"Hmm...What about Sherlock?" I suggest.

I let out a high pitched sound.

"Haven't you seen it already?" dad asks.

"Yes, but you haven't."

Please agree, please, please...

"Just watch something new!" Mom says, a hint of annoyance in her voice. "Look, Meet Joe Black, I swear you'll like it."


"No, it's decided. Come on. You always choose, it's our turn." says Mom, with a tone indicating that this debate is over.

I look at the bed with the pillows arranged in such a way so we can see the TV and sit super comfortably, covered with fluffy blankets. I look at the popcorn waiting for me, next to a glass with fresh lemonade. I want to give in, to make them happy. Maybe I'll enjoy it too. I probably would.

But it's so hard.

Too hard.

"I don't want to!" I whine.

"Fine, then we're not watching anything." says mom, getting off the bed and closing the TV.


She doesn't answer me and goes into her room, closing the door forcefully.

I look at Dad, on the verge of tears, pleading for help.

"Why can't you give in for once?" he says, shaking his head sadly. "I know it's hard for you, but you have to try, or you'll never break out of it."

"Fine, let's watch it, let's watch it!" I say desperately.

"It's too late now."

Then he leaves the room as well, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

I let out a high sound, again and again, and again.

I flop on the bed and turn the tv on, starting to cry quietly. The Harry Potter theme song fills the silence, and it finally gives me the relief I needed. If only my parents were here with me, watching it together... Only I can ruin a happy, relaxed Saturday evening.

I have to try harder next time. I have to.

I let out a high pitched sound.

* * *

And that is not all

My brain is affected

My thinking, my feelings,

They've changed, to the worst.

* * *

Big shoutout to @ChocolatesSlave for the amazing drawing! Go follow her on Instagram (maria_tirda_) to see more of her art!

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