Last Hope (Completed)

Chapter 9

Remy bowed her head down. "Sorry ate, I didn't mean for you to see that," she said quietly. Sarah wiped the tears in her eyes. "Ilang beses nangyayari yun, Remy?" She asked. Her heart was troubled. It made her sad to see Remy go through what she was going through. "I don't keep track. It just happens," Remy answered truthfully. "Kelan usually nangyayari?" Sarah asked again. Both her heart and her head were pounding. It didn't help that her fever was making everything worse. "'Wag na natin pagusapan, ate. May sakit ka. I don't want to stress you out even more. I'm sorry you had to see that," Remy apologized. Sarah shook her head. Her eyes started to water again. "Hindi Remy eh. Hindi pwedeng di pinagtutuunan ng pansin yan. Nag-sasuffer ka in silence—" Sarah was saying when Remy interrupted her. "Well, so are you, okay? You're sick. I don't want you sick. You have to do what it takes so that you get better. That means hindi ka dapat nag-iisip ng kung ano ano dahil it'll only stress you out even more, lalala yang lagnat mo," Remy said. Sarah shook her head. She looked up as tears fell from her eyes again. "Remy, naiintindihan mo ba yung pagka-serious nitong ginagawa mo sa sarili mo? Alam mo na-realize ko ngayon lang na ever since dumating tayo sa islang toh, wala kang ginawa kundi i-worsen yung injuries mo. Remy, napaka-limited ng resources natin kahit pa sabihin natin na mas marami tayong resources kesa sa ibang nastuck sa island. Yang mga ginagawa mo sa sarili mo, wala na lang akong ginawa kundi i-remind ka ng i-remind na ingatan mo sarili mo, alagaan mo, kasi nga kahit pa may gamit tayo, hindi natin alam hanggang kelan tayo dito. Pero eto nanaman tayo. Remy, alalahanin mo, wala pang isang linggo since nag-crash yung eroplanong sinasakyan natin. Wala pang isang linggo since nabawasan ka ng maraming dugo sa katawan. Remy, hindi pa nakakabawi yung katawan mo, yet ano nakita ko? Panay may lumalabas na dugo ulit sayo. Nag-dugo kamay mo nung gumawa ka ng apoy, dugoan yung braso mo nung inopen mo yung luggage. Remy, ngayon naman yang ulo mo. Buti sana kung hindi marami lumabas sa ulo mo nung una kita makita eh. Buti sana kung agad agad after impact nahinto ko na agad yang pagdugo sa ulo mo, Remy hilong hilo ka nga eh. Ang putla putla mo nun. Tapos nakabawi-bawi ka lang ng konti, eto nanaman. Pano kung di yan huminto sa pag-dugo Remy? Bigla ka na lang mag-collapse dyan? Remy, bakit ang hirap hirap ipaintindi sayo yun?" Sarah asked in frustration. "Don't mind me," Remy said as she looked away. "Eh I can't nga eh. Remy, dudugo na din ilong ko sa kaka-sermon sayo, kaka-remind sayo, pero wala pa rin. Napapa-ingles na nga ako eh para lang maintindihan mo ng tuloyan. Remy, please naman. Kung di mo kaya gawin para sa sarili mo sa ngayon, isipin mo naman din ako. Hindi ko kaya gawin lahat ng toh mag-isa. Hindi ko kayang mag-stay sa islang toh ng ako lang. Kelangan natin pareho ang isa't isa, so please lang, 'wag ka ng gagawa ng kahit na ano na ikapapahamak mo," Sarah begged. She was out of breath. Remy looked at her. "Sorry ate," Remy said quietly. Sarah looked at her. She slowly crawled towards her. Then she put her head on her shoulder and gave her a hug. "Bakit mo ginagawa yun, Remy? Ano nakukuha mo sa pananakit mo sa sarili mo?" Sarah asked softly. She was sobbing again which made Remy cry, too. Remy took a deep breath. She looked up to try and stop herself from crying. "Ewan ko, ate. I find some kind of relief when I hurt myself," Remy confessed. "Anong klaseng relief, Remy? Relief saan?" Sarah asked. She wiped her eyes while she frowned and looked at her. "Feeling ko kasi kulang yung pag-ignore ni daddy sakin, yung pag-iwas ng kapatid ko sakin, yung paninigaw at galit ni mommy sakin. Feeling ko dapat sinasaktan nila ako eh," Remy said, her eyes filled with tears. Sarah pouted, she slumped her shoulders in defeat. "Remy, hanggang kelan? Hanggang kelan mo parurusahan ang sarili mo sa aksidenteng hindi mo naman ginusto?" Sarah asked. Her eyes burdened with sorrow. Remy took a deep breath. "Hanggang ramdam ko na sa sarili ko na I suffered enough. Wala pa sa kalingkingan ko mga ginagawa ko sa sarili ko ate eh. Kulang pa," Remy said. She looked away as she cried quietly. "Remy, bakit mo pinaparusahan sarili mo para sa aksidenteng hindi mo naman sinasadya? Wala namang may gusto nun eh," Sarah said, trying to understand. "Ate, I ran the red light. I could have killed more people. I could have killed yung nakabanggaan namin. Ate, kahit pa di ko yun ginusto, ako pa rin ang di nag-ingat enough to avoid that accident. Dun ako naiinis eh. It could have been avoided, but my lutang self was so stupid to let it happen," Remy said. Sarah could see the anger in her eyes. "Pero Remy di mo naman ginusto yun eh. Sino naman kasi may gusto na mag-run ng red light tapos mapatay ang kapatid? Wala, Remy. Aksidente lang ang lahat," Sarah explained. "Aksidente na I could have prevented had I been more careful. Aksidente na di sana nangyari kung hindi ako nag-run ng red light ate," Remy insisted. "Kelan mo mapapatawad sarili mo, Remy? Kelan mo matututunang patawarin ang sarili mo?" Sarah asked worriedly. "Never," Remy said as she took out the hot jars from the fire. "I made you soup. Sorry, walang iba na I can make broth out of so yan na lang. Tiisin mo na lang yung lasa. Drink it so you can feel better," Remy said. Sarah looked at the jar, its contents swam around. Her stomach protested as if it was begging her not to drink it, but she didn't want to upset Remy even more. Sarah swallowed. "Salamat," she said quietly. Remy nodded. Sarah took the jar with the cloth to protect her hands from the hot glass. She took a deep breath. She stared at Remy who now turned her back against her to fidget with the fire. "Remy," Sarah said. "Ate, tapos na yun, okay? You've seen it. I promise you, you won't see it again," she said. Sarah could feel that Remy had wanted to be left alone, so she nodded, "Okay."