Chapter 24- Save Me

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Jordan stares out her window at the buildings in the distance. The constant drip of the faucet in the sink matches her heartbeat. Drip. Boom. Drip. Boom. Lights in far off windows flicker and then go out, everyone going to bed for the night. Curfew creeps closer like the tide. Her breaths are heavy. In. Out. In. Out. Darkness pools in the corner of the trailer as she watches nature's lights go out, one by one. Covered by clouds, she can no longer see the stars. Instead, the cold breath of the clouds slaps her face through the cracked window. The radio sings in the corner quietly, a simple melody emerging from its dusty mouth.

"Please wake me up when it's all over, when I'm wiser and I'm older. All this time I've been finding myself and I didn't know I was lost. I didn't know I was lost. I never knew I was lost. I didn't know... didn't know..."

Sitting on her couch, she looks at the floor. Her eyes bore through the single board that stands between her and her parent's notebook. One wooden slab between silence and discovery. And yet, every time she pries it up, she's never satisfied. That stick promised to give her answers and yet it never did. Instead, it only left her with more questions.

"I shouldn't even have this," she mutters angrily, the trails of tears still visible on her face. Falling to the floor, she rips the board upwards with all her strength, and chucks it at the wall.

"Why did you leave this for me?"

Yelling, she snatches the book from its coffin and throws it. Pages fly like feathers, stirring up a sea of dirt in the air.

"Maybe I don't want it! You ever think of that?"

Once again, the book doesn't answer, but instead sits there, letters becoming beady black eyes, looking up at her mockingly.

"God damn it!"

She kicks the book and watches it lie on the floor like a dead carcass. How it could be so lifeless and yet promise so much life, she'll never know.

"Why are you here? It's not like you can answer me anyway."

Tears slide down her face like falling leaves as she reaches for her lighter. The flame flickers before her eyes, whispering things in her ear.

"It's okay to destroy it," It murmurs quietly. "It's not like it did anything but hurt you anyway. Break its back, burn its face. Destroy the last reminders of them that you have. Their covers and colors may vary, but you know that they've written all over these walls. Burn it down. Burn it. Burn their love away so you don't have to remember. Burn it all so you don't have to think. Come on, Jordan. Burn it."

"I can't," She whines to the lighter, the eager eyes of the fire looking back at her.

"Why are you afraid? It's not like you had a family anyway. Come on. Burn it. Put all your anger, all that fear, all those feelings into the fire. Burn it all. Hell, burn yourself with it. It's not like anyone would notice you missing."

"But my friends..."

"What friends? They only hang out with you because they have to. You think this all a game? No, it's work to them. Butter you up to get you to work harder. They don't really care about you. Otherwise, they wouldn't have left. No, they'd be right here, holding your hand. But your hand's empty, isn't it? Who are you going to turn to? Your parents? They left you a long time ago. Your so called friends? You only think you know them, you only think they care. Your junkyard? It never notices when you're here in the first place. Where are you gonna go, Jordan? Who's going to help you now when no one's left?"

"I'm not alone. I know it."

"That doorbell of yours isn't ringing, now is it? No one is coming to save you. Might as well light the fire because you're covered in kerosene."

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