I stare at my computer screen and look at the options for swapping my in class classes to online classes.
It's all available and I could do it easily. In fact, I could get ahead and do all the work now and then have it done so I could be done with everything and not have to worry about it.
I groan and place my hands over my face as I truly have no idea what to do. Drinks with Drew went really well and we got along ever better. We were making each other laugh by the end of the night and he told me he really wanted me to join them.
I obviously refused to make any decisions on the spot so I told him I'd get back to him once I talk to people about it and hear their thoughts.
As stupid as it may be, the thought of not having to go back into that house is more enticing than ever. I could go back and move out when I know they're away for a show. But then again, if I stay out here, Luke and I really will be done. I won't see him and the ball will be in my hands.
Am I actually ready to be done with him?
I know I deserve to at least take a break with him after the way our conversation went but I fear committing to staying out here. If I'm here, there's no way of fixing things. He'll move on without me.
As much as Luke hurt the hell out of me, I still love him. He still means more than anything to me and I still care about him. I know I'm not ready to go along and act as if nothing happened but I also don't want to make things permanent with us.
But being here, I'm close to Chasen and have a job. If I'm there, I'm just sitting in a house alone 90% of the time and have to deal with the awkwardness between Luke and myself.
However, I'm not the type to run away from my problems.
I hear the kitchen door open which grabs my attention as I look up to see my mom walking through the door. She wears a smile on her face, the first genuine one I've seen in a while as she carries in a few groceries.
"Good morning sweetie," she says considering I woke up not too long ago.
In fact, I came down here, made myself some coffee, and did my morning crossword. I'm still in my pajamas and haven't even had the chance to have breakfast.
"Morning," I say, just staring blankly at my computer screen.
"What are you up to?" she asks peeking at my screen the slightest bit.
I sigh considering I don't even know where to begin when it comes to explaining this. What am I up to? Well, I'm in the process of making a major life decision right now and I have absolutely no idea what it is I want to do.
My mom puts the groceries down before pulling a seat up beside me, seeming to sense that whatever it is that I'm doing needs help.
"Go on," she says eyeing my screen.
Placing my hands over my face once more, I shake my head and throw my head back.
"My friend Bryant got me in touch with this famous musician who wants to hire me as his assistant," I start with.
I know my mom isn't going to be fond of this considering she doesn't want me to go into the music industry. Maybe that's what I need, her to encourage me not to.
"And he's in Atlanta for the next few weeks and said that I could hang around him, try it out, and see what I think of the position," I say removing my hands from my face to look at her.