It wasn't long before Rachel returned. Carrying groceries in.
"I'm back."
Standing up, Zack quickly ran to another room. Not wanting to be seen as pathetic. Unsure of what kind of conversation it would lead to if she found him crying his eyes out. Assuming she'd probably be weirded out. And he wasn't ready to make excuses.
"Zack?" Ray called out to him. Only met with silence. Looking at the couch she could see a Zack shaped indentation. It was fresh. "Zack, where are you?" She looked around. Trying to find where he went inside the leaky building.
"I brought you fruit rings and corn flakes. Your favorite."
She was once again met with the agonizing quietness of the room.
"That's strange… he didn't tell me he was going out. Maybe I just missed him?"
She eventually walked into the room he was hiding in the corner of. It was dim but she could make out his form.
"Zack what're you-"
"Go away!" He snapped.
She drew her hand back but didn't leave as he told her. "What's the matter? What are you doing in here?" She had a touch of genuine concern in her voice. Even then Zack didn't look up. "I said GO AWAY!" He growled. His voice shaking slightly. That only worried her more but she backed off. Walking out of the room.
"What's the matter with him? He seems really pissed…" She thought to herself. "Did I… Do something to upset him maybe?"
She sat on the couch. Trying to collect her thoughts. Trying to understand why he was acting like that. She thought they were getting on just fine the other day. So why…
Why is he acting like that?
She started to feel an irrational fear of being abandoned by him if she upset him too much. She couldn't possibly handle it again.The loneliness. But as she was about to go confront him, Zack came out of hiding. Walking up to her. He grabbed her up by the shirt. Causing Ray's eyes to widen in shock as he lifted her off the ground. Her heart raced with anxiety.
...Is he going to hit me?
She closed her eyes. Preparing for the worst. But the worst never came.
Zack placed her gently back down on the ground. Soon pulling her into a hug.
"Wh- Huh? Zack?"
She was dumbfounded as to how quickly he switched moods. She blinked in utter confusion. Her mind racing as did her heart. Both with a bout of anxiousness and excitement.
He squeezed her tighter. Not saying a word. Which made her a little uncomfortable. She tried to get answers again.
"Zack-"
"Shut up."
And with that, the room fell silent again for a while. Thought to the both of them it may as well have been an eternity. She wasn't exactly sure what was going on but she eventually returned the hug. Wrapping her arms around him. Zack flinched a bit in response to it. Not used to affection of any kind. But she was soft. Warm. He didn't want to let go.
Finally, Zack spoke again.
"Ray… I know I promised to kill ya. And I still will. Someday but…" He buried his face in her neck.
"Ever since we escaped, you've been making me feel all kinds of weird shit."
Her eyes widened. What was he trying to say?
She didn't understand bust she listened anyway. Hanging onto every word. She felt she owed him that much.
"The thought of slitting that pretty little neck of yers used to put a smile on my face but now… Now it makes me wanna puke. I can't stand the thought." He held her tighter.
"I'm not... strong enough to do it. I can't. I'm sorry, Ray. I don't wanna be a liar but killing you and saying I'd enjoy it would be an even bigger lie. I like ya. I want you around me! It's confusing as fuck and also makes me wanna puke. I'm just- I'm so fuckin' confused. So… Do ya think you could help me again?Help me try and understand why I can't just kill ya like I do everyone else?" He shook a little. Which caused Rachel to feel a bit guilty.
Zack doesn't want to kill me anymore. How could I…
How could I put him through that?
She thought back to all the times she would practice a good smile for him. And each time he'd tell her how much it sucked and to try again. She always wondered why.
But now she knew. She knew exactly why he refused her attempts.
"Zack. Am I really… Am I really that important to you?"
He pulled away to look at her expression.
"Hah?! What kind of bullshit question is that?"
Her eyes widened again before slowly softening. Tears beginning to form.
"Zack, you… I…" She couldn't fight them back. The tears ran down her cheeks.
"All I ever wanted… Was to be loved. To be desired. Does that mean, you desire me? You love me, Zack?" Her voice shook. He looked at her dumbfounded now. Holding her by the shoulders.
"I-I dunno what the fuck any of that means but I guess I do kinda? I can't stand the thought of losing you. I know that much… So don't let me kill ya yet. Please, Ray!" Tears ran down his cheeks again. Wetting his bandages in an uncomfortable way. Still, he ignored it. Holding her.
He truly didn't understand it. All he knew was that he didn't want them to be apart. He'd gotten a taste of what it would be like to have Ray taken from him. He didn't want to relive it. Not even by his own hands. He could never live with himself. Live without her.
"Yer prolly the only person who understands me. Who's treated me like a human. Not like some monster." He pulled her into another hug. "Don't leave me... I need you, Ray!"
Rachel kept crying. Her silent tears shifting to loud sobbing. She buried her face in his chest. Unable to think. Her usually busy mind had finally quieted down for a change.
At last, Rachel Gardner was finally at peace. Not having to die to achieve it.
