Look up to the sky, that's me, scattered all over everywhere. Those are my thoughts, that's my knowledge, the dark space around it is my love spread endlessly, surrounding what I am. All for you, all for Shia.
Your beautiful brown hair. Big dark eyes. I miss it, lifting you- holding your soft hands. Hearing the distress in your voice if your nails were to scratch me, you've always been so caring. What has it been? A total of 4?- days we've spent apart in all these years? Now, twenty one. I could tear my hair out just thinking about all the rest of the time it'll be. And without Shia, my little Finn. Give her a hug for everyday, for me. Please entertain her thoughts and ideas on where I am, take her out for fun in the city- let her look for me in every park you pass by. Help her look for me please, Shan. I've realized the greatest thing about myself are you and Shia, and that's what I've left for you to share. The good, and happy, the pretty part. I feel so small, so confused and beaten- I wonder now is that how you're feeling. Goodness, I miss waking to you rolling over on me. I miss opening my eyes to you sloppily sleeping, now awkwardly landed on me and being so lucky to wake you and be the first thing your gorgeous eyes take in. Who knew you'd end up with me? I had my heart set and my mind made that I'd try until the end, who knew it'd work out? The corny tongue-tied 17 year old I was back then, how'd I get so fortunate? Who knew Sleeping Beauty would end up on my chest, in my dreams, becoming my heart. Who knew Sleeping Beauty was a dark haired thief named Shannon? She surely doesn't learn her lesson because I can count for at least 4 years worth of breath she stole from me. That October we met some over 4 years ago, on the train, remember that? My heart nearly stopped when your eyes met mine. Your little hands holding a gallon of milk, jeans wrapped nicely on your legs, you were wearing a dark colored top. My clumsy lips stammered out a greeting, something like " Milk's good- " I plastered on a goofy smile, you almost immediately showed me that incredible laugh of yours. I noticed your scent as you shook your head, your hair following the pattern. I let out a sigh, stumbling over to you like I was walking on literal cloud nine itself. I said something like: " I'd offer you my seat, if I had one " Once again you laughed, covering your mouth. I outreached my hand, trying my damned hardest to keep it still and quiet about my nervousness. " Coy Finnegan " I introduced myself. You outstretched your hand warmly, just as friendly natured as you can be. I brought your hand to my lips as soon as we made contact, you laughed even louder this time. Like always, the laughter stays endless with you. I offered to hold your milk for you, discounting your worry- informing you of how my hands weren't warm. I insisted we'd be better off with me carrying it, since I'm the one with the cold hands. " No thank you, I'm getting off here. " You denied me very politely, but either fate or raging hormones wouldn't let that be at that. " Oh? Well, so am I. Wouldn't hurt to carry your milk for you since I'm going the same way, yeah? " Remember that, Shannon? You tried to get your milk back the whole way homeward, suggesting you'd be fine the rest of the way and how the milk wasn't heavy. " This is very heavy milk, I may need a finger message in fact " Remember? You'd stopped walking, giving me that look, the Shannon look. " Too far? You're right, my fingers are just fine. " You held back your giggles. By the time we'd made it to your house I'd accused you of having various laughing diseases and you'd pretty much gathered I wasn't giving up on you. You'd gathered that I were a high school aged guy, and I was pretty much a wanderer without a steady roof. Not that I wasn't pleased with how I lived, I was actually quite satisfied and happy- I had no clue life could get a million times better like it has. You told me your age, I shrugged. Years apart meant nothing to me, still don't, although I'm not sure I've ever remembered how many. It was never important. It wasn't a significant amount anyway, really no number would've been. Remember how taboo, a woman older than the mate- in your eyes? Those few years,the only time I'd laughed at you.I'd spend any time I had building a time machine to fix whatever you thought wrong in me-without hesitation, but you saw no need. You 'let' me stay, out of kindness in your heart. Against my will more like, nothing like hospitality being forced on you, Shan. Most nights I'd sleep on the roof, out of habit and love of the open- only to sneak- yes, sneak back in before you woke up and found out. You probably knew, you seem to know everything, Dear. Time seemed to fly by, and before I knew it, I was always working, with you all the other time I had, proposing, I was loving you deeply, once again proposing, Shia was on her way, I was proposing again, Shia was growing up-
Everything flew by so fast, I thought I'd hold onto sanity during. I thought I'd hold it all together for you.
Don't you miss me much, Shannon. I love you like it's running out.
YOU ARE READING
170 Letters[From a dream I had]Mystery / Thriller
A 21 year old suffering from early-onset dementia sends letters to his girlfriend after suddenly fleeing, due to a 'horrid secret'. Plagued by mental illness, including schizophrenia- he gathers that he should cut off ties with the ones he loves to...