Puppy Love (bxb)

Chapter Sixteen

Barbara's plan seriously sucked.

"So, then you pull that Home Alone trap." She used big arm movements to mimic whatever the hell she was talking about. "With the paint cans and the staircase? You know the one!" She pointed at Henry.

Good. I didn't.

He nodded. "Yeah, I do. But what staircase?"

"Aren't you even listening? I already discussed how you're going to lure him into the public library." She scoffed. "Idiots. Anyway, once you've knocked him out, you need to transport him subtly but swiftly into the basement of this store, which is why we're planning on stealing the stretcher. And then I'll interrogate him once he comes to, heavily implying that he's been moved to Area 51—"

"I don't think you're good at manipulation," I observed. "This plan is way too complex."

"Well then I think you're stupid!"

"Mom," Henry groaned. "This plan sucks. I told you, nothing illegal. In this plan you've already had us assault him multiple times, steal a stretcher, interrogate using methods of cruel and unusual punishment, pretend to be police officers, and create flyers advertising a fake library event."

"That last one isn't illegal," she pointed out. "Anyone can make a flyer saying anything. Freedom of speech."

"How about this," I said. "Henry sends him a text saying he wants to talk to him at the store. Andrew shows up due to his lingering sexual desires."

"Ew," Barb gagged.

"It's true. Once he shows up, Henry bitches at him on my behalf for being a scumbag and lying to Declan. But little does he know, I'm squatting behind the counter recording everything."

Barbara snapped her fingers and pointed at me. "Squatting is illegal. So is recording someone's voice without their consent."

"Not that kind of squatting!"

Henry groaned. "Guys, relax. That plan is a good one. I think it might actually work and we only have to break one law."

Barbara snorted. "I just want to point out the shocking similarities between advertising a fake event to lure him to the library and sending a fake text to lure him here. He basically copied my idea."

"But in mine we don't have to steal a stretcher from a hospital," I reminded. "Which is, to me, a plus."

"Lame," Barbara scoffed.

"But logistically sound."

"There's a major plot hole," Barbara scoffed. "Where am I in this plan? Where's Jeff, the love of my life? Dressed like a sexy officer? This plan is boring compared to mine."

"Mom, you just have to be okay with taking the backseat for this one," Henry said. "Just chill back here and eat some cookies. Jeff doesn't even like you anyway."

I gasped at his rudeness. "Not true! With my wingman abilities and Barb's natural charm, Jeff's seriously come around lately."

Barb patted my shoulder and smiled. "It's true. You're gonna have a new daddy soon, Hen."

Henry gagged.

I also gagged. "I take it back. That's disgusting."

"Alright, whatever!" Barbara said flippantly. "Get to it, Henry. Send the man the text. Let's get this ball rolling. I hate sitting here with our thumbs up our asses."

Henry typed away at his phone and showed me the final product. I need to talk to you.

"Sweet," I agreed.