I've never really been scared of anything.
Maybe the occasional spider or scary movie that I thought I would die from the fear pulsing through my veins.
But that's not fear.
Fear is that moment when you look at the only person you love more than life itself die in front of you.
And you can do nothing about it.
Fuck, it eats you up alive because you can't help but blame yourself, for being too scared and weak to do anything to help the person you love.
I lost my mom, because I was too weak.
I lost the only person that really gave a damn about me.
Who said I was beautiful even though I had so many flaws.
I know you might think that's your mom they have to love you.
Yes that's true.
'I don't just love you because I created you, angel. I love you because you are the greatest thing that happened to me, and without you I would be a lonely old fool.'
She would always tell me this as a child and I never really understood it but as I grew older it meant so much more to me.
But now, I will never hear her whisper those words to me ever again.
"Sam!" My best friends voice breaks through my thoughts and I look over at him. His blue eyes puffy from shed tears, his face flushed, and the smile on his lips far from happy.
"Come, it's time to go outside." Chris says grabbing my unbroken hand and leading me outside. As we pass, people say their condolences which I just ignore. Their sad attempts at seeming genuine feel like knives in my back knowing they don't care. They stopped caring about my mother the moment she got pregnant with me.
I will have to admit that watching my mothers casket being buried teared me apart. Knowing that I wouldn't walk home from school and see my mom. Watching as a smile grew on her face before her soft voice said my name.
Tears fall down my face and all my attempts to calm myself are failures as it really hits me.
I will never see my mom again.
I bury my face in Chris's chest as sobs rake my body and I try to forget the last time I saw her.
All the blood.
"Shh, baby girl, I have you." Chris whispers into my ear and I nod sadly.
"Samantha." I hear a voice say from behind me and I immediately tense the tears in my eyes evaporating as I hear his voice.
"Sam do not do anything you will regret." Chris whispers sternly and I only give him a mocking smirk.
"Oh I won't regret any of this." I whisper, turning towards the man who had part in creating me. Dark green eyes stare into my own, with sadness but I know he can't be that sad. He has everything he has ever wanted and now the woman he had a child out of wedlock with is... gone.
No more guilt for abandoning the people he never wanted.
Just staring at him has the anger I've been hiding all these years explode inside me.
Which causes my fist to connect with his face.
YOU ARE READING
#1- dadsbestfriend 09/27/18 #9- forbiddenlove Previously known as 'My Dad's Best Friend and I.' After a car accident takes Samantha Jeffries' mother away, Sam is forced to live with her father that she hasn't seen since she was 10, after he cheated...