Ch 12

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"Without pain, there would be no suffering, without suffering we would never learn from our mistakes. To make it right, pain and suffering is the key to all windows, without it , there is no way of life"

I read the quote my mom wrote to me years ago that I had tattooed on my wrist. It keeps me going, it lets me know that everything I've been through wasn't for nothing.. that I'm gonna get something out of it. I'm gonna soon find that happiness I've been wanting.

We are heading to a restaurant called Norman's. It was a fancy restaurants so we all had nice clothes on. We sat down at a table in the middle. We had a lot of chairs cause we had 12 people including my brothers girlfriends.

It was a nice place and it had different kinds of foods but no kids menus so I had to get them something they liked.

It was a nice place and it had different kinds of foods but no kids menus so I had to get them something they liked

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" hi I'm tiffinay and I'll be your server, what can I get you guys to drink." She said pulling out her note pad. " I'll take a water" my dad said " coke" my brothers said "cake!" London said causing everyone to laugh " you can get her a water also for the rest of the kids" " ok" the waitress said with a chuckle " and I'll take a sprite..and do you have smaller cups for the kids" " yes we do we can get the kids smaller cups." "Thank you" the waitress walked away

" maya what you gonna get the kids" my dad said " um I might get three bbq chickens and give Anthony one plate and have each twin share a plate cause there not going to eat all that food." " sounds great" jayceon said taking the knife out of Kaidens hand " so how you holding up maya" josh said picking up Ava and putting her in his lap cause she kept pulling his girlfriends hair. " Im doing ok. You know it's not easy but I'll get through it" " that's all you can do. Like I said your young you got a long life ahead of you" Alex said " yup that's so right" Michael said

" so josh, Michael who are these lovely girls you guys brought" I said with a smirk " on this is Megan she's my girlfriend we just started dating a week ago" josh said kissing her hand "aww isn't that sweet..and you Michael" "oh this is Jessica but we're just friends" Michael said putting his arm around her shoulder " well ok" " MAMA! MAMA! I want food!" Kaiden said standing in his chair " boy! Sit your ass down right now..or you will come sit next to me" i said as people started to look are way " I got him maya.. listen Kaiden you'll get you food soon not right now" my dad said causing him to whine.

"Mommy" kacy said leaning on my arm " what's wrong baby" I picked him up cause he didn't look happy " I miss dada" he said as he laid his head on my chest. " aww baby I know you do... mommy misses daddy to, kacy I know it's hard baby but I promise you daddy loves you and he will never stop loving you, just like I told Ava daddy is always with you no matter what." I picked his head up "when you sad, angry, or happy and you want to talk to daddy.. all you have to to do look up and tell him how you feel ok baby and he'll hear you" I said kissing his cheek and forehead and giving him a big hug " do you feel better" " yess mama" he gave me a big smil and sat in him seat.

" now that's how you be a mother" josh said smiling at me. " ok here are your drinks" tiffany said caring a bunch of drinks on a tray. We all got our drinks and she then asked for our order and then went to get our food. She gave us some bread as a appetizer and my kids went in

" ok babies slow down, your not going to eat your dinner" I said chuckling at them " mama I like bread" Ava said shoving bread in her mouth and Megan got a napkin and wiped her mouth from the crumbs. " i see, do you like the bread London" I said messing in her curly hair " no mama I want chicken" she said with this mad face she does " ok baby well that's going to be a while" " ugh fine" she said grading a small piece of bread.

About 29mins later our food arrived and it looked so good and my kids we actually eating it I got the same thing my babies got and good thing I got only three plates because the chicken was huge. " do you like it Ava" she nodded her head with food in her mouth and sauce all over her face.

We all enjoyed dinner and we were going to head back to the house and do a lantern release In memory of everyone who died in our family.

This was the first time we have ever done this so this was new. " so we just wright the names on the lanterns" josh said " yup" Alex said in response

" mommy hold this" Anthony said giving my his lantern as he took his shoes off " Anthony you know you can go put you trunks on if you want to go swimming." " really!" He said getting happy " yup you go head" he ran up stairs and told his siblings they could do the same

We finally got everything situated and the kids had their swim suits on and had their lanterns, my dad had lit them for everyone we were going to let them go on the beach it was like 10 so it was dark but our lanterns were lit and we also had flashlights.

" Alright is everyone ready.. before we count I want everyone to close their eyes and think of a message you want to give to the people who have died and once everyone opens their eyes we will count to let them go.. so everyone close their eyes and think of a message." My dad said

I closed my eyes and I had one message to everyone. - the message- " I have had pain, I have had the sorrow and hurt. You all have gave me good memories and sad memories, but I want you all to know that no matter what you will always be in my heart.. you will always make me smile. As I let these tears and this lantern go I want you all to know I will never forget about you and I  will always.. always love you mommy.. Dorian ...Alice .. and granny" I opened my eyes and tears ran down my face. Josh gave me a side hug " Alright one.. two... three.. let them go"

We all let them go as they flew up into the air and flew over the ocean

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We all let them go as they flew up into the air and flew over the ocean. My kids laughed and ran into the water. I couldn't stop crying. Those people I lost were my life and they are forever gone... will I ever get that happiness back, we'll just have to see. Soon fireworks went off in the back form the Disney resort as my brothers hugged me telling me.. it was going to be ok.

 it was going to be ok

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.............

So this isn't the end but it sure is close to it. And I decided to make it one more day in Florida cause there is nothing else to talk about so I'm going to finish this book off with one last chapter but I do want to say thank you for all the reads and like I appreciate it .. enjoy.

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