chapter 2

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CHAPTER 2

As I was running out of Ron's house, I had tears running down my cheeks. I felt that I had not only let myself down, but him too. I simply felt terrible. On the walk home I was in deep thoughts. "Why am I so keen on doing it all of a sudden", "Why did I make a move and then run off?" and "What if he dumps me now?" These questions haunted me all the way home. Anyways I decided to leave this debate with myself till later. I felt like my head was about to burst. As I slowly approached my court, I could hear yelling and thought "Oh, not again". I was curious what all the yelling was about. I reluctantly walked in just to have my dad shout into my face "Alice! What are these?" He was holding up a packet of condoms. Oh, crap. I totally forgot that I had them lying on my bed. I could feel my cheeks turn red. I couldn't have been more embarrassed. I was relieved when my mother stepped in and defended me "Andrew, leave her alone. Anyways we can have some of her flavoured condoms and use them tonight?" Eurghh, I did love my mother for defending me but that was just a bit too much information. Furthermore I knew that sooner or later she was going to make me explain myself. GREAT! Now I full on regretted being so careless. I excused myself and ran up the stairs. I spent about an hour staring at my ceiling. Due to hunger I decided to go to the kitchen, but immediately felt remorse: mother and father were getting it on! On our kitchen table! With my condoms! I felt physically sick. My mother was groaning "harder, harder, harder Andrew". Shock was written all over my face. Seriously what were they thinking?! Fair enough my parents were still in their thirties, but come on... I didn't know what to say I just stood there, completely frozen. I glared as my father was pounding into my mother. They looked so happy together. The intimacy seemed to make them passionate about each other. There was so much love in their eyes. Suddenly I felt a rush of jealousy shower all over me: I had the impression that I and Ron lacked that intimacy. Oh no! Ron... I had totally forgotten about him. Without wasting another second I raced upstairs, nearly tripped, and shut the door behind me. I grabbed my phone and dialled Ron's number. He immediately snapped "Alice! What the hell was that? You led me on and fled. I don't want to talk to you today. You better have an explanation" He then hung up. I was left stunned, speechless and worried. I didn't have an explanation for what I had done as I didn't know myself why I acted the way I did.

***

I was surprisingly silent in school for most of the day; I just couldn't stop thinking about what had happened yesterday. Just the image of him tearing away at my shirt with more force and lust then I'd ever felt him do before, it was like this was all he really wanted, or is that just what happens when you are about to do "it". The sight of his manhood was what scared me the most. It wasn't at all the sight or size of it that scared me, it was just how quickly he got it out at the first sign of me showing some passion or an abnormal smile. It was all too quick for me, most couples haven't even got past the kissing stage by two months, and there I was half naked and maybe about to do something I would have regretted, all because I was a little bit keen. I needed to tell him, I need to tell him I wasn't ready for all of this yet, he needed to know that I was nothing like my friends and that I could go years without sex (if I didn't get aroused at any occasions) if it just meant I could be with him for the rest of my life, I love him for who he is, how he makes me feel, how his sweet words can lift me from the most terrible of moods, how his kiss send chills of joy and love around my body and how when he hugs me, I feel so safe and secure i never want to let him go. Nothing sexual never entered my mind when I first fell for him and nothing does now because it's not what I wanted, i wanted him yet lusted for his body. I really needed to see Ron; I wanted to tell him all the feelings that were going through my mind. I just hoped he would understand. We had agreed to meet at his locker after school.

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