- Joe's POV -
My eyes no longer belong to me. My fingertips no longer belong to me. My legs no longer belong to me. My body has been invaded, and all I can do is watch. Watch from the eyes of the enemy. Knowing that it is my body committing these acts, but being powerless.
I watched as my hand covered Caspar's mouth. I watched as Caspar's teeth sunk into the hand. I felt the emotions of the voices somewhere deep in the pit of my stomach. I felt their anger. I listened to the laughter from my body they released.
Why? What had I done to deserve this? What God had I maddened for this to happen to me? What evil spirit had I awakened to curse me?
They took pleasure in Caspar's defiance. It amused them. That sickened me.
I wanted to cry. But I didn't even hold a place in a body that would allow me to. All I could do was observe.
"Wow," I heard a voice that was once mine say in mock-awe, "How strong you are."
I felt my hand unwillingly slap across Caspar's pure cheek. His head snapped to the side, though he didn't fall. He lifted his head after mere seconds. Crimson liquid dribbled out of his mouth, racing down his chin. He wiped it off with the back of his hand.
I had never felt so powerless. So meaningless. My heart was tearing itself in half. It should be me suffering the wrath of the beatings of the voices. It should be me. Not Caspar. It was me at fault. It was me who was weak. So why was Caspar suffering? Why couldn't I break free and save him?
Fingers that I used to control, but now had no power over clung to Caspar's hair.
"Joe always did like your hair, you know." They said.
Caspar stiffened with no audible response. His pain was written all over his face though. Painted on with the finest of detail.
The grip tightened, before the hand snapped back carrying Caspar's head with it for seconds before an echoing tearing sound filled the room with despair. I could feel it. I could feel the chunk of Caspar's hair that was now missing from his forehead in my palm. The noise that emitted from Caspar's mouth was that of a dying animal. And it was because of my body that he made this inhuman cry. I knew It was all my fault.
Caspar fell to the ground, withering in immense pain. Blood seeped down his forehead in a perfect stream. He was losing too much blood. I knew he was. His face began to turn so light it was almost translucent. His eyes glazed over.
I had been shattered countless times before, but it wasn't until now that I finally broke.
The voices knew.
"Hello, Joe." Their voices sounded real. They didn't sound like words echoing in the back of my mind. They had a real voice. A voice they stole from me. A voice they unrighteously stripped from my body.
"What do you want from me? I'll do anything. Anything! Just let Caspar live." I pleaded desperately. I couldn't even hear the sound of my own voice. Or feel the words slipping from somewhere in my soul. I could only hope they were reaching the voices.
"Is your life superior to Caspar's?"
"No. It's not."
"We'll make a deal then. Your life for his." They stated.
My life for Caspar's?
No. I didn't want to. I didn't want to die. I didn't want to disappear. But... What about Caspar? Would I really want to live in a world knowing he would never come back? Knowing it was my body that destroyed him? How would I be able to live with myself?
How would I be able to wake up each morning with the hands of a murderer? How would I be able to sleep at night with the mind of a weak failure? How would I be able to love with my heart belonged to Caspar? I wouldn't be able to.
"I'll do it." I whispered.
"You won't be able to come back, you know. You'll be gone forever. But Caspar will live on. Eventually he'll forget about you and you'll just be the name of someone he once knew."
"I don't care." But I did.
"This is your last chance to turn back."
"I'm not turning back."
"Are you sure?"
I couldn't help but hesitate. Caspar's smile filled my mind. A smile I'll never be able to see again. But he will continue to live. I envied him. But it was worth it.
"I'm sure." Death was a simple compromise for Caspar's life.
As soon as the words slipped from my mind, I felt the body that was once line being tackled to the ground.
Out of eyes I once controlled I saw men wearing police uniforms raid the room, followed by Ryan. Ryan had called the police. When had he left?
"I take it back!" Caspar wouldn't die. The voices couldn't kill him with my body.
"I don't want to die! Caspar is going to live, so don't take my soul!"
I could hear their laughter ringing throughout my mind.
"This is it, Joe."
I was slipping away.
I had lost everything. I had lost my sense of touch. I had lost my sense of taste. I had lost Caspar. I had lost myself. But I refused to let myself go like this. I wouldn't be so weak as to leave without a fight. But I was powerless.
"It can't end like this." I wanted to scream. The pain I felt as I could feel my soul disintegrating exceeded pain I thought was possible for a human. I desperately tried to hold on. I can't let the voices take complete control. They took my body, they can't take what's left of my soul. So why... Why was I already dissapearing?
"This is goodbye. This is The End."
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He Loves Me... Not? || Jaspar Fanfic (Caspar lee x Joe Sugg)Fanfiction
"Friends can cuddle, right?" I asked, inching closer to Joe. "Yeah." Joe said, opening one eye adorably to look at me. "They can kiss too?" I whispered, his scent alone sending chills up my spine.