after 6 fucking years I am finally getting better. I'm not complaining though.
I've been trying to regain myself back, the self I was before life slapped the fuck out of me and told me I was hideous.
I had to realize life wasn't going to give to me, I either had to work to earn it or take it by force.
I've been working to take my health back, because earning it back wasn't going to happen.
My method is VERY dangerous, but it's working for me at least. By very, I mean very. It would probably be harmful to those who have it worse. I do have shitty coping skills but I don't really know how to change that. I guess I'll just channel that into healthy shit, like idk skateboarding or drawing or whatever.
I'm actually better now. I'm not having horrible breakdowns at 4am or crying at 1am because of either past events or what someone said.
Well, that last part may be a lie I am sensitive af. Just not as much.
I've learned to be more independent and not sit around waiting and being depressed because of circumstances.
I basically slapped myself harder and told myself to get the fuck up and push through all the voices and the anxiety because there's not gonna be therapy for me unless I self medicate (without drugs).
My parents don't want to take me to therapy because blah blah blah, fuck that. I'll get better and recover in a different way and eat shit if you try standing in my way.
I'm was tired of constantly being ashamed of myself for things I liked and just being myself in general.
My world isn't caving in as easily and there's not changing that.
My parents can't sweep my issues under the rug because I took from from under the rug and threw them away, like it was supposed to happen.
Oh, and fuck everyone who got me here. I repeat, FUCK EVERYONE WHO HAD INVOLVEMENT IN BRINGING MY SELF ESTEEM AND PRETTY MUCH MY LIFE TO SHIT.
I have priorities now. Myself is a good one. I'm not setting myself up to make others feel better anymore. I'm not putting toxic assholes over myself anymore.
I feel better now.