a/n: i actually had to do research for this chapter and now i'm pretty sure i qualify to be a doctor
I was in a car crash when I was ten which is where I lost everything, everything but a small sliver of hope to become a hero. In that car crash, however, my father died and my mother is still stuck in the hospital because she was put in a coma. My father was sent through the windshield and got hit by the same car we crashed into, my mother broke her next and became paralyzed and put into a coma when her head got slammed against the window as well. I got somewhat lucky, I damaged my limbic system but not all of it. That wasn't the case for my amygdala though, that was severely damaged and it left me unable to feel any emotions or act on emotions.
The doctors said that they could try to fix it to the best of their ability but it was too risky so they decided against it, they said I could attempt to fix it on my own but it'll never be fully restored. I got bullied for it, of course, I got the title of a monster. When I was told the news of my parents, I wasn't sad and I didn't mourn. I just felt, empty. I didn't know what to feel, people told me I should be crying and sobbing but I didn't. When I got bullied as well, I didn't feel anything. I just felt outcasted, which had no emotional effect on me at all.
Something that always remained the same was my powerful quirk and my dream to become a hero, I clung onto those two things and pushed myself to follow through with them. The only time I really felt emotion since the accident is when I saw Izuku Midoriya break himself just to save a complete stranger. I didn't know what it was, but I felt more determined I guess you could say. Slowly I had been gaining back my emotions, they weren't fully there but there was always that slight pain whenever I got left out or told no one loved me. That's the thing though, I was told I was incapable of feeling loved due to the trauma I had been through but that wasn't the case.
When I first stepped into UA and everyone wanted to befriend me, I felt loved. It was a strange experience but I liked the feeling, I wanted more of that feeling. I don't know why either, but I felt the need to befriend Bakugou. He was the short-tempered boy that sat a desk ahead of me, I felt something strange when I looked at him. My heart rate sped up, my palms got a bit sweaty, and I just wanted to hold onto him. I confronted Kirishima about it, I was friends with Kirishima and Mina mostly but I also hung out with Denki and Sero. I was pretty much friends with everyone in class, I wasn't sure what friends were exactly but I was happy to have some.
It would've been easier for me to regain my emotions if I remembered what they felt like, I wasn't always emotionally detached like this so if only I could remember the feelings I felt before that would've helped. That was the only issue though, I couldn't remember what things felt like before the accident. I don't really remember what it felt like to have friends, to have a loving family, I forgot most of it. Kirishima and Mina told me that I should talk to Bakugou, which I did. For some reason though, I felt what Mina described as nervous the whole time.
As the days went on, me and Bakugou got closer. I eventually shared my accident with the rest of the class and they all seemed so eager to help me feel again. Then that feeling came back, a warm feeling in my chest that made me want to smile so big. I loved that feeling. I sighed as I draped my legs over Bakugou's lap, we were sitting in the common area on a Saturday night. It was quite like usual, some chatter here and there but most everyone was tucked away in their dorms. I turned towards Bakugou, he was scrolling through his phone. "Hey, Bakugou?" I spoke out, he hummed in response and I continued. "I-What does love feel like?" I wasn't sure how to phrase it, but I knew I had gotten my point across because he turned towards me.
He paused for a minute, perhaps he was thinking about how to respond. "That's a stupid question." He said and returned towards scrolling on his phone, "Love is hard to describe. It makes you feel all happy and jittery, when you love someone it means you care about them to the point where you would most likely do anything for them. Sometimes you can't stop thinking about that person, they've captured your heart. When you're around them, you can get nervous and feel embarrassed. Your heart rate speeds up, you get sweaty, all that gross bullshit." He finished. I gave a content nod, I knew by now what it felt to be embarrassed and nervous.
I let out another sigh and looked down at the floor, "Why do you think it's gross?" I asked. I knew what people did to express their love for each other, whether it be physical or mental. I had memorized everything down, I wanted to know what it felt like to feel things. "Bakugou," I asked again, grabbing his attention. "I may be an emotionless bastard but there's something about you that makes me want to feel again."
He paused again and set his phone to the side, "What are talking about?" He muttered and watched me fiddle with my hands. To anyone else, I was anxious and nervous but to me, I wasn't exactly sure why I felt the need to fidget so much.
He grabbed ahold of one my hands, snapping me back to reality. "I think I love you, when I first saw you my heart sped up and got nervous like you said. I didn't know what it was at the time but now that you've told me and now that I know those feelings, I know that I love you." I glanced over to his eyes, I was always able to recognize emotions in anyone else but never in myself. Until now.
Bakugou grazed his thumb over my knuckles and sighed, "I love you too." He whispered. It was strange behavior for him to say the least, I recognized his patterns by now and Bakugou being quite definitely wasn't in there. "I'll help you remember, alright, idiot?" He spoke louder this time, a small smile tugged on my lips and I nodded. I would help him too.
YOU ARE READING
i love all the bnha characters i just had to write a book for them requests are open (regular chapters are on hold but still taking & writing requests) . . . . Date of Drafting : 04-07-19 Date of Publishing : 07-15-19 Date of Completion : N/A