I'm sorry guys, I know this isn't what you want to hear right now, but SAS is really stressing me out right now to the point where it's been kicking up my anxiety and messing with my thyroid and my eating and my dreams, and I just really need a break. I need to let junior year wash away and I need to get to a place where I don't feel like I'm FORCING myself to write. Because I know it's not as good as it could be.
My brain is like a powderkeg of all the pain and problems from the past year, and I've felt like it's going to explode since May. I've been trying to tell myself to keep pushing through it because it's all subconscious, and I didn't think it would effect me so much if I wasn't able to suddenly verbalize something like I usually can with both writing and therapy.
I'll still be updating my part of The Return of Time because I have some chapters stocked up already, having four weeks (with the biweekly update schedule with FitzroyVacker and I taking turns writing the next update) will help take the stress off things. FitzroyVacker is really helping me remember how much I enjoy writing. When we write our separate chapters together on the same document at the same time with the google in-doc messages pulled up on our sidebars, my brain doesn't feel so stuck anymore.
I think I'll be okay when school starts again. I'm not looking forward to homework, but I'm really struggling with not seeing key people every day. It's really hard. And I'm honestly trying not to cry right now because I miss them so much. My best friend has a job at her church's daycare that gives her no freetime with energy to spare and my two favorite teachers, whom I am very close to, are on various trips with their families. They're like my family — the one I've built; the one most people don't understand: the one that's never hurt me. I'll feel better when school starts.
I'll still be checking my messages on here, and you guys are always welcome to DM me, but before I finish this letter of sorts, I wanted to give you guys some advice from the bottom of my heart that I don't think people give enough or understand early enough in their lives.
Please, please, please remember that you're human.
You need to eat. You need to sleep. You need to take care of yourself.
Society puts so much pressure on us to be smart and talented and athletic and creative and successful and perfect that it makes us forget that we're good enough. Tests and competitions don't define us, our actions do. It's about what we do before the tests and competitions and how we respond to the affects of them. We still need to try our best, but our self-worth, our value, isn't diminished by failure or mistakes or mediocrity. Your best is always good enough because no matter what, it will take you somewhere. Life goes on, it's in the meaning of the term itself, and even if it's not exactly where you wanted to go, you haven't run out of chances to get there until you stop trying.
That said, there will be obstacles, like in any good story, that will stand in your (the hero's) way. And sometimes those obstacles are the people you love. Maybe it's someone you look up to, a parent, a sibling, a friend, and maybe they'll try to impress on you that you're not good enough because you didn't meet their expectations. But you don't need to meet THEIR expectations. It's YOUR life. And you deserve to live it YOUR way by being who you are.
You have limits, that's okay. Others may not understand them or even how you as a person function at first, but the more you take care of yourself and be who you are, the more they'll understand. Even if you don't know who you are yet, just do whatever feels right with the ultimate goal of wanting to do good in the world, good for others, and good for yourself. And in the end, you can't go wrong. Mistakes can be mended, and time always heals of you let it.
You're not perfect. You're enough. You're human. Like me. ♥️
I love you guys, and I'm so thankful for your support, your patience, and your enthusiasm.
YOU ARE READING
Sovereignty and ServitudeFanfiction
KOTLC AU Highest Ranking: #1 in Sophitz, #1 in dexiana, #1 in KOTLC, #1 in Diana, #1 in Tiana At last! The Elvin Kingdom of Evertalia as crowned a new King! King Fitzroy Avery Vacker I is a kind, and fair king, who, like his predecessors, has done n...