Rock Bottom (Lauren/You)

01

The room was cold and I could hear it thundering outside the hospital, Lauren hasn't came yet, it's been 7 hours since the nurse called her and she hasn't came. Maybe she's still mad at me. Maybe this is what I get, maybe this is karma.

My mom gave up on me I was such a bitch to her and I regret it, I understand why she's not here. If I was her I wouldn't come either.

All of my friends just randomly stopped talking to me, maybe because I stopped talking to them first, they would all try to text me and call me but I wouldn't answer. I wasn't allowed too.

I thought they would be by my side, I told them I was going through something but I guess they didn't listen.

My sisters relationship didn't turn out well either, all 3 of them are angry at me.

My dad died when I was 11 so he wouldn't be here even if he was alive.

7 hours. 7 full hours and no visitors. Not even one.

I stared down at my legs the truth is I don't know if I'm upset because no one came or the fact that I'm still alive after everything. After two suicide attempts and literally almost getting beaten to death I'm still alive.

Why?

I have no purpose on this earth and yet I'm still here, and for what? All I want is to die, I don't want to live in a world where everyone hates me.

Why is living so exhausting?

Why when I finally get a chance to actually leave this world someone actually tries to save me. Why save me now, when I was screaming for help for a very long time? Why now?

I heard someone walk in the room. "Nurse Nancy Do you think you can push up the dose...I promise I'm not trying to get high" I lied "I'm just still in pain"

"Where's the pain?" She asks "my side" she hums "ok I'll be right back also you have a visitor" my head snapped up and there stood the brunette.

The beeping of the machine soon started to go faster and I blushed because now she knows that she has that effect on me.

She wore her usual attire that I remember too clearly, black jeans, black leather jacket, and the 1975 T-shirt. With her shades hanging from the collar of her shirt.

Her skin was just as pale as I remembered and the only thing that was different on her was her hair length. It was now at her shoulders.

I swallowed my spit that had built up from the time she walked in. "Hi" I spoke she stands there just staring at me before walking fully in, she sits down in the chair that was sitting at the edge of the bed and placed it near the wall right there at the entrance of the room and sat down.

"You look the same-"

"Don't talk to me y/n" she cuts me off, I frowned her eyes never left mines it was like she was examining me. My face. My face must look terrible I refused to look at myself. All I know is that everything is healing.

"I-I know I look terrible but you don't have to stare," I say carefully not wanting to anger her because I know she still angry at me. She didn't answer she just slouched down in her seat and looked down at her phone.

The nurse came back in. "Here you go y/n" she hands me two pills I stared down at it, I want more than just 2. I huffed "Thank you Nancy" she hums as I took out her hand. She leaves out the room.

I swallowed the pills and closed my eyes waiting for the high to hit me. Lauren still hasn't said anything but I'm enjoying her presence. I'm glad she came.

It means she cares right?

Hours went by Lauren still haven't said anything, she would glance at me whenever I moved or coughed. But that's all. Not even a word would come out of her mouth.

I cleared my throat grabbing her attention "how have you been Lauren? It's been a while" I say hoping that she would at least say something she holds her face with her hand raising an eyebrow at me. With a huff, she stands up and walks out of the room leaving me by myself.

I frowned quickly wiping the tear away from my cheek feeling alone again. I bite my lip nodding to myself.

This is what I deserve, I deserve this. I am a piece of shit who don't deserve anything. That's what Ryan has told me over and over again. And he's right.

I am a piece of shit.....