#4 | Question.

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(Question) ❝Do you ever get bullied because of Autism?❞

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I do, actually. I hated, and hate it so much. But, nevertheless I got bullied for a lot of things. Especially getting bullied for my repetitive movements, talking and rapid speech. I am very vulnerable for bullying, even if I am told, "shut up", I start to cry. I remember being bullied vividly. I remember being called names, I remember the names that I was called. I remember being pushed in the hallways, I remember people inflicting harm onto my body. I was hurt badly, the worst I have ever been hurt by another school kid. I was punched in the face, and I was choked. I felt like I could not breathe. My eyes were tearing up, I felt like the organs within my throat were being pushed to the back of my body. My arms and legs felt tingly, like someone had shut them off, yet I still flailed, and I pulled their pinkies back as far as I could remember, kicking them off immediately after they let go.

My voice was INCREDIBLY hoarse, but I drank a lot of water so no one would become suspicious of what had happened,(didn't really help), yet the marks on my neck were questioned. I was not punched in the eye, but I was punched in the nose.

Sometimes people question, "Why does your nose look broken?" It WAS already broken, but the punching made it worse than it already was.

When I was made fun of, people looked incredibly weirded out when I would spin around, I would flap my hands and flail my arms, sometimes I would jump up and down in place, I would giggle to myself a lot. And, most of the time I would talk to myself.

Involuntary movements, I would do a lot of that. When I'm in class, I would tap my head a lot, or my legs would shake. I needed a lot of breaks, so I took them. Then, I would be myself in the halls. But, even if people told me not to do that, they were just uncomfortable being around me.

But, I am myself, they are not me. I was happy, I was calm, I was myself.

I had very low-self esteem, and I still do. But, that doesn't hold me back from trying to succeed.

But, there are words that are really suck in my head right now... So, my sister has an abusive boyfriend, and I tried to stand up for her.

When I did, he told me, "Go cut yourself, bitch." I ended up keeping a straight face, but, it then really got to me, so I got out of there and ran away. I HAVE been told that before, many times, but that was a very long time ago. But, now that I was told that... what, a week and a half ago? It still lingers in my mind.

My sisters boyfriend was always vulgar to me from the start. He told me, "Why are you so misbehaved?", "I'm better than you, more well behaved, you should get more discipline."

And, a lot of other things. It got to the point to where I stopped going over to my sisters and I isolated myelf from her for awhile.

And he told me to go cut myself? Because sadly, he knew my history of cutting, and he used it against me.

And, in middle school, teachers were not all that nice to me. When I was in science class, I was crying, shaking and rocking in my chair. The science teacher didn't care, and said "What are you doing?" Some kids were staring, before a few started laughing. Some just stayed quiet and had confused, or weirded out expressions.

I remember one time, I brought a salamander in class from outside, my first little friend. When I got into class, a kid shouted, "She has a salamander in her pocket!" I remember that I started crying, because I didn't want to let my friend go, but I did. Until, the end of the day, after school, I got the same salamander and kept them.

Anyways! Forget all of that.

Don't let anyone change who you are, no matter who you are, and don't let words get you down.

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