Tangerine

Chapter 57

Soundtrack: The 5th Dimension - Aquarius / Let the Sunshine In

Dedication: krista ruth (@loneiypotato on twitter) thank you for "a year's prescription of birth control" you're my favourite friend, joint lit happy days :)

·

"Scarlet, stop daydreaming about Harry Styles and get on stage," was all I heard from my guitarist before we faced the crowd of thousands tonight.

I know it was meant as a joke but shit, was Keith ever accurate.

The gig in East Rutherford, New Jersey was the first live show we've had since Harry and I became publicised as a couple. It still bewilders me to even say that. Since we went on a date ‒ not like it was a real date or anything, because it wasn't ‒ things have been changing faster than I've had time to adjust.

From here on in, Mitch has specified that he wants me to give off the impression that my latest ballad is about Harry. I nearly threw an internal fit when he told me so. The thing is, the ballad is my next single, which I'll be filming a music video for and everything, and if make it seem like it's about Harry as I was told, it will gain instant popularity without fault, considering my current public relationship status.

It's a decent plan and I see where Mitch and my publicists and producers are going with it but I'm really having trouble accepting the idea.

I feel guilty.

Recalling back to the early days when I was first writing the song, I can only remember how much of a struggle it was. It was barely half written by the time I was introduced to the boys; still a perfect stranger to all five of them. I couldn't finish the song, no words were flowing and I had absolutely no inspiration whatsoever.

Until I met Louis.

Just from hanging out with the lads and getting to know them those first few intimate times, Louis left such a deep impression on me that I just couldn't shake. A week later, the song had completed itself and Louis was as beautiful as ever, going on without a single clue as to how much he had actually saved me.

The song is essentially about Louis ‒ it's hauntingly nostalgic, romanticising how alive he made me feel and how his beauty was my freedom. Simply listening to myself every time I play it in front of crowds of thousands only makes me remember all of the reasons why I wrote the song about Louis in the first place.

I feel like right shit having to act like it's about his best mate.

·

The music in my headphones makes my heart swell. The end of the 5th Dimension medley fades out in a chorus of, "Let the sunshine, let the sunshine in, the sunshine in," as I subconsciously wait for the next song to continue on shuffle.

I sink down in the large leather seat, waiting for our plane to take off. For the beginning of July, they definitely have the air conditioning pumping. My skin is raising just from how chilly it is.

My cheeks suddenly flush as the next song starts playing through my headphones. It's an old One Direction song. It's the perfect way to warm me up. If only the media knew I had More Than This playing in my ears, my reputation would be even more scarred than it already fucking is. But I don't even care. Considering I normally wouldn't listen to music like this, the slow, acoustic track is the perfect song for going back home on a rainy day.

But I'm nowhere near home, and when resting my head on the window to look outside, the endless paved runway is only dry and blazing.

I've never been to Canada before and I'm a little nervous. I've heard that Montreal is a big party city so I'm also excited. I always am, no matter where we're going, but with the control over my own life becoming less and less as our tour goes on, I really don't know what kind of expectations I should carry at this point.