f o r t y - t h r e e

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Carter's words drifted back to him.

"Stop lying to yourself."

"I ain't seen you happy in a long time and I want you to be. After all you've been through, you deserve it. And ... I know she'd want you to be too."

"Take as much time as you need to figure everything out, 'kay?"

Overwhelmed, Xander couldn't deal with his feelings anymore.

But this time, instead of reaching for a razor blade to alleviate the red-hot rage he felt, Xander did the stark opposite and got off his bed to grab the first thing he saw. That happened to be the canvas propped onto the easel by his bed, the one he'd been trying to sketch something earlier before he'd gotten frustrated with himself and his haywire emotions.

Unlike what his mother used to do, his art was far from perfect, and that pissed him off even more.

Ripping the canvas off the easel, and in one fluid motion, he swung it, sending it flying across his room. Seconds later seconds, it crashed into the wall at the other side with a loud thud, shattering into a million particles right before his eyes.

Xander didn't even give guilt the opportunity to come crawling in. He stormed out of his room at once and headed to the bathroom. He cursed at himself, his conflicting feelings and the guilt-tripping him back into the dark void he'd come too accustomed to; depression.

Just as he was about to send his clenched fist to connect with the bathroom mirror, the abrupt sound of the doorbell echoed through the quiet house made him stop dead in his tracks.

Thinking that Anna had returned home from the market Xander's hands tightened into fists again. It then occurred to him that she or Xavier would have just used their key to come in. At that, Xander relaxed a little.

Still, it could be one of their annoying friends.

The thought wasn't as irritating though, surprisingly.

Yet, if he opened the door to reveal any of the aforementioned persons or a neighbor he wasn't in the mood to 'entertain', Xander would have no qualms slamming it right back in their faces. Besides calling him rude or going off on his guardians for his uncouth behavior, there wasn't much they could do.

So, prior to leaving the bathroom, Xander ensured that he was level-headed by splashing his face with cold water then taking a quick smoke. As he inched closer to the door, the doorbell rang for the second time.

Xander pulled the door open to reveal Sage on the other side of the threshold. His hand froze from ringing the doorbell a third time, and he looked like a deer caught in headlights at the unexpected opening of the door. To say that Xander was surprised would be a huge understatement.

The senior's facial expression switched between varying states of shock before it finally changed to pure curiosity. His eyes fell to the item in Sage's hand, which happened to be a small vase.

"H-hi, Xander," Sage politely greeted. He raised a hand to tuck hair out of his face, behind his ear. "I-I had time before work b-but that's not why I'm here! My mom told me to bring these over for Ms. Anna." he stepped aside, allowing Xander to see the red wagon he'd been towing, loaded with flowers of all colours, shapes, and sizes.

Shaking his head, Xander didn't even feel the need to grimace at Anna's name. He was too preoccupied with the calmness that suddenly overtook him, along with how his heart rate began accelerating at Sage's unexpected presence. He permitted his eyes to move from Sage's face to take in his attire.

It appeared that Sage had just returned from school, seeing that he was still clad in a sporty over-sized t-shirt, gray ripped jeans, matching gray converse and his usual dark brown wristwatch. Standing there with the look of uncertainty plastered across his face, toying with his fingers and pressing his lips together, Sage looked so soft and lovable — as he always did. It made Xander want to pull him into an endless hug and tell him how much he missed him, despite it being only a day since they last saw each other.

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