a cigarette for cade | ongoing

15 | 83 calluna lane

"If he only knew that I was giving him every chance to put two and two together and come up with a number bigger than infinity."
- André Aciman -

[ F I F T E E N ]
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I WOKE UP WITH the perhaps the worst possible headache known to Mankind. Propping myself up onto my elbows, I looked towards the window.

Great. Pouring rain.

Letting out a groan, I plopped back onto the bed, once more engulfed into my sheets and pillows.

"Did you say something?" asked a disembodied voice.

Moments later, Cade peeked his gorgeous head into my room, and shoved a toothbrush into his mouth. His hair was disheveled, and slightly flattened on one side - the side which I'm assuming he slept on.

"How are you up so early?" I grumbled, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

He shrugged his shoulders, and disappeared back into the bathroom. He quite literally runs on five hours of sleep better than me on seven.

I closed my eyes, and listened to the noises around me. The rain drops hitting my window, the wind whistling through the branches of our tree, and the sound of Cade brushing his teeth.

Why was he brushing so violently?

I turned to my side and opened my eyes once more.

I had to say something to Eli.

I felt so wrong. This whole mess was my fault, and everything I did just made it feel worse. I dug myself a hole, and I was the only one who could pull myself out of it.

'I'm breaking it off,' I told myself.

A hand of guilt gripped my heart. I thought about Eli, but my mind always wandered back to Cade.

Then, the hand began to twist it.

➶

The moment we got out of my mom's car, Cade and I broke into a sprint towards the school doors. I held my textbook above my head, shielding my hair from the rain in hopes of preventing the forsaken frizz.

The moment we got in the building, I turned to him.

"I have to go," I said, catching my shattered breath.

"Sorry? Go?"

"I need to find Naomi," I explained, swivelling my head around, trying to catch a glimpse of her tawny brown hair. "I'll see you in class."

Not giving him a chance to say anything, I began to make my way towards the cafeteria. Scanning the area, my friends were nowhere to be found. Perhaps the rain had slowed them down this morning. The only person I recognized was Oliver, who was sitting alone at a table at the back, with his nose buried in his notebook.

Walking up to him, I set down my bag.

"Hey," I greeted him.

He looked up at me, blinked twice, and went back to his notes.

"I guess," I said.